It is hard to wait!

Waiting strenthens us by teaching us that our joy and peace and hope don't depend on when our needs and wants are met. Jennifer Rothschild
Wow!! I have had to ponder this statement a lot. It is so hard to wait sometimes. We think our children are impatient. We are not much different.
Recovery from Guillian Barre has indeed been challenging and often very rocky. I felt like I was constantly waiting for the next Dr visit, waiting for the next test, waiting for the next day to come because I couldn't sleep and waiting for any sign of recovery. It has been like a roller coaster. In the midst of the waiting I have found myself saying" God please don't let me miss out on what you want to teach me" He took me literally and has given me treasures that I wouldn't have received if he had immediately taken things away.

Psalm 40 I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Any vision for the future that is full of failure and empty of hope is not from God.
God doesn't want us to know the future. He wants us to know him. He wants us to trust him to guide us into the future one stip at a time.
Power of Praying Parent

One of my favorites from Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
The Lord is my peace. I shall not live in anxiety. He puts me under his wing of comfort and calms my Spirit within me. He takes all my anxieties on Himself adn helps me to focus on him. Yes, though I walk wthrough a time of grave uncertainties and fierce anxieties, I will not fret-for you are my peace. Your word and your presence calm me now. You hold my uncertainties in the palm of your hand. You sooth my anxious mind--You smooth my wrinkled brow. Surely serenity and trust in you shall fill me all the days of my life. And I shall keep my mind stayed on you forever.

Next time: The true source of hope

Is God enough?

I vividly remember the day eight months ago that I was listening to a talk on the radio by Dr. David Jeremiah titled God is enough. I was quite intrigued by his message because I had been wrestling with this thought as I lay in my bed. I was in pain, could do very little activity and I couldn't read because my eyes were bothering me. It was in the spot that I was a very attentive listener.

Dr. Jeremiah shared that through his experience with cancer he had learned that God was indeed enough. He went on to say that if you don't have a relationship with God I would encourage you to get one because the storms will come and having God in the midst of it will make all the difference.

It became very obvious to me that it is not if but when. Several of my friends would say to me that they were scared about what was next in their lives. They said they didn't know how they could handle my situation. I think we all have storms in our lives (i.e. difficult marriages, physical problems, job stress). The reality of living in a fallen world hits hard sometimes.

I have pondered Dr. Jeremiah's message and indeed asked "Does it make a difference?" and it wasn't until recently that God revealed to me something very profound.
Almost eight years ago Perry and I went through a very difficult season. We had had multiple moves, a sick child , a miscarriage, and a loss of a dream that was very hard for us. Looking back I realize that prior to this season I did not have a close relationship with God. I had a relationship but it was not vibrant and growing. I was working full-time and busy with life. I think we can all relate. When the storm hit it was very hard and I struggled. I was not making some good choices and I was choosing to look at the waves instead of God.

This storm has been so much different. Yes, my physical body is struggling but spiritually walking closely to God in the midst of it has been amazing!

I am very thankful for this comparison and I pray that God would continue to remind me how much I need him for the big and little challenges in life. I am even more thankful for his grace for the times I so easily forget.

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16

Next time: It is hard to wait!

Time to write

This entry seems long over due. I have wanted to type some of my reflections about the last year and honestly it seemed too exhausting as I have been trying to manage the kids and my recovery this summer. This week I feel like the desire has returned and I am motivated to type in hopes that it will encourage and strengthen you. This is part of the testimony I shared with a few groups at our church.

Only in the most uncomfortable places in life can we see the face of God most clearly. Jennifer Rothschild

I can honestly say that my experience has certainly helped me see God more clearly.

On August18 th my life drastically changed. I was given a diagnosis that seemed so unfamiliar and the unknown was hard to take initially. All I could think of was a simple verse that I had taught Bennett and Cody. "When I am afraid, I will trust in you"

People would say to me "God is in control, God is good, Good will come out of this" Yes, I had experienced this before, but somehow I found myself asking no matter what? I knew then that God was taking me on a deeper journey with him. Was I willing to trust him? I soon realized that I was going to have to make some tough choices. Was I going to live in anxiety or was I going to choose to draw closer to God and experience his peace and love for me. This took a lot of effort some days. I knew I was going to have to work hard at keeping my eyes on God.

How did I do that? I had been given a journal and in it I began to write. Not necessarily my reflections because that seemed too exhausting, but verses from the Bible and quotes from books. I realized I had all these great books on my shelf but couldn't remember specifics. This journal became so precious to me because I would lay it beside me on my bed and I would ponder and reflect and pray. Instead of having lots of different books I had all my favorites parts in one place. I became very inspired by heroes of the faith. I needed courage to walk this painful and difficult road.

I also listened to a lot of worship songs in the beginning days and one was especially meaningful to me.
The voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid, the voice of truth says this is for my glory... Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

I want to share some of my favorites from this journal. This entry I will focus on a couple of examples of how God showed me he was there.
1)Even from the very beginning God showed me that he was there. It was no coincidence that not only did I have a Christian nurse in the hospital but it was a nurse from my own church. She was such a blessing and encouragement to me.

2)"Oh, I have so much to learn. The wilderness really does show us who we really are and who we trust. I confess I am not very proud of where my thoughts have been. In discomfort it is amazing how it is easy to falter and wonder why or how long. I should be resting and trusting that God knows, that he is here, that my hope comes from him not from when my body feels better. I will not forget the night that I was digesting the doctor's visit I had had that day and the reality that things were not progressing like I had hoped. I remember thinking " help me know you are here". It was at that moment that I looked out at the most brilliant sunset. Wow! He was here. Again, the next morning when tears were so close that I chose Michael W. Smith CD Worship. It was no coincidence that I needed those songs. "Draw me close to you, never let me go....help me know that you are near. It wasn't just that song but the next one that made me weep. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus..... and the things of earth will grow strangely dim" Oh Lord, please teach me how to look to you."

There are so many more examples of how God has shown us his love and compassion and I am so thankful. He is so faithful.

Next time: " Is God enough?"

Status Quo

The reason why we haven't written for a month is that little has changed. Rhonda continues to be able to do a number of basic functions. She can drive, take care of the kids, make meals, etc. However, she continues to experience signficant leg pain for which she has to take medication. If she's on her feet too much the pain gets worse. She really can only do one outing a day at the most.

Currently, Rhonda's mom is here for the next week so that is a big help. My hope and prayer is that Rhonda will also be able to rest a bit while I'm gone with the boys to Colorado for a week and a half. In addition, we hope that once schools starts back up Rhonda will be able to inch forward some more with her recovery since the boys will be in school. I guess those are a lot of hopes. It's now been eleven months, so it's hard to know what the future holds. Still, we continue to remain hopeful.

Our Current Pattern

For the first part of this summer, we seem to be in a tolerable, but not ideal, pattern. Rhonda continues to be able to take care of the kids and do basic household tasks. However, if she has to exert herself in extra ways (e.g., a trip to Fort Worth to renew her permanent resident card, doing more with the kids), she often pays for it. Her leg pain increases and she even has some of the old problems with headaches and strained vision. Fortunately, rest seems to help her body settle back down. We're thankful for the babysitting and meal help we've received, because it helps Rhonda get the rest she needs to get back on track. It's hard to tell right now whether we're making progress, but life certainly feels less stressful than the previous months. We continue to hope and pray. Thanks for all your prayers.

Good news!

We are so thankful that the doctor confirmed today that Perry did not tear anything in his knee. The MRI did show that he has a bone bruise which does not require any intervention other than rest. Hopefully in 6-8 weeks he will be back to normal with no further problems.

The last two weeks have definitely been challenging but we certainly see improvements for both of us. Perry is now walking without crutches and the swelling and stiffness are much better. Last week with the increased activity and stress my pain levels were terrible and the new medication I was trying was not helping. This week my pain levels have been manageable which is so helpful. Having the boys at VBS each morning has allowed me some rest time so that I am able to be more active later.

Despite the craziness we have had a few laughs. Last Sunday at church we were waiting for the elevator to take it up to our Sunday school class seeing that we were both a bit diabled. There were some elderly ladies standing there greeting us. As we were visiting, one of the ladies asked us if we were newleyweds and we started to laugh and said that no we have been married almost 12 years. We joked that the reason we were holding hands was that we were holding each other up ( not really). Well, we take their comment as a compliment and are thankful that through the past year we have grown to appreciate, love and need each other in a deeper way.

Interestingly enough last week we had been talking with the boys about how God is a keeper of promises. I have really been convicted that I need share with them about what God is teaching me and so I was glad to share how God gave me the verse Isaiah 41:10 as a promise back in January. Cody and Bennett were able to pick some promises that I had written on cards. Cody picked "The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid" (He has a great fear of wasps and bees). It was a day later that Perry injured his leg and I realized that we would need that verse as a frequent reminder that week.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers!

Bad timing for a knee injury

One of the things that has helped me the past few months is being able to play basketball again now that my thumb is better. Unfortunately, someone fell into my knee yesterday while I was playing and did some damage. A kind Baylor trainer took an initial look at it and tenatively concluded that he did not think I hurt my ACL and perhaps only tore my meniscus. We'll only know more after further doctors visits and exams (the first starts on Thursday). The current result is that I'm now on crutches. There is never a good time for a knee injury, but it sure feels like this is certainly not the time. We'd appreciate your prayers. PG