Good visit

We are very thankful for a good visit with the neurologist. He was very thorough, patient amidst the complexity and compassionate. I left feeling like he really wanted to help me find the right combination of medications that would help me be more comfortable. Of course this is going to take some time, but we at least have a plan.

It is always amazing to me how over time more pieces of the puzzle come together. The greatest insight I received was understanding why I still have a lot of pain even though my nerve conduction tests are normal. I had not understood the nerve tests only test the heavily myelinated nerves that control movement and strength. This means that there is no clear way to see how the other nerves(ie.those responsible for pain) are functioning. The key then is to manage the symptoms while they heal. Of course, that means that there is no way of determining when the healing process will be complete.

So, I continue to be reminded and reflect on a quote that I found eight months ago.
"Waiting strengthens us by teaching us that our joy and peace and hope don't depend on when our needs and wants are met." Jennifer Rothschild
Rhonda

P.S. I can't forget the answered prayers this week. We have been talking and praying about what we would do this summer. Perry was pretty concerned about how I was going to manage with the boys all the time. God had it all figured out for us and graciously provided us with a friend's daughter to help me. We are so thankful!!

He is able!

Last Friday was quite a day! Do you ever have those days where everything seems to hit at once? That was how I was feeling. Emotionally I was struggling. It wasn’t that I had given up or didn’t feel that God was there or couldn’t work it out. I was just tired. Tired of hurting and tired of trying to figure out what neurologist to go to, as well as tired of trying to accept the fact that I am going to have to be on more powerful medication to address the pain. It didn’t help that Thursday we received two bills from the hospital and Friday we received a significant bill from a lab that we weren’t expecting.

Little did I know that God was planning a surprise for me that afternoon and evening. Not only did I find a local neurologist that was highly recommended to me and who had an opening in 10 days, but we received a unexpected check from an unexpected source to cover almost exactly what we still owe the hospital. Wow! Needless to say I cried. It was so humbling to realize how much God cares for us in the midst of this time. There is absolutely no way that this was a coincidence, but divine intervention by a loving God. He continues to remind us that nothing is impossible with him.

I continue to remember his promise to me: Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Choosing to remember

It is so nice to have Perry safely home and to know this is the last overseas trip he will be making for now. It was wonderful for me to have his parents again with us. This helped a lot and gave me a break from chauffeuring the boys. I needed it. I feel like my leg pain has decreased a little bit as a result. The last few weeks have been challenging in that I have had so much more nerve and muscle pain as well as more headaches. Honestly because of how the last 6-8 weeks have gone I thought that was behind me. It is a constant reminder that the recovery is long indeed. It also is a great reminder of the need for me to keep things simple. Meaning that I have to be very calculative about my activity. I just can't run to Wall-mart for a quick errand if I know that I have something later in the day. When the boys are not here I have to rest or I can't handle the activity later. Because the boys are more active and outside more that is about all I can handle. Quite honestly this hard! I have come to the conclusion that even if I feel fine at the time it doesn't mean I can do it. I still have to limit my activity because of the accumulative affect is not good.
It was so good to be a church on Sunday for Mother's day and one of the worship songs we sang was a great reminder of what God has been teaching me. It said "I will remember, I will remember the gift of God's son...I will remember his faithfulness". God is constantly giving me opportunities to apply what he has taught me. From the very beginning of my illness I feel that God was asking me to make life giving choices. He wanted me to make the choice not to be fearful and anxious but to choose to turn my focus to him and to learn how to trust him. Sometimes I have to admit it meant a moment by moment decision. The result I have to say is amazing. Taking my eyes off myself and focusing them on him has given me joy, peace, and hope that is not temporary or fading.
Very early on I used a journal to write verses that strengthened me. I also used it to put quotes from books I loved and from authors that I considered heroes of the faith. I didn't realize what a treasure this book would become. There was always a quote or verse or something that would point me back to God. I feel like it has helped me apply and helped sustain me through this time. I continue to read parts of it every day and I am continually adding new insights, verses, or quotes. I hope to share some of them in this blog in the near future.
Time to close. My son is calling.
Thank you for your continued prayers.
Rhonda