Time to write

This entry seems long over due. I have wanted to type some of my reflections about the last year and honestly it seemed too exhausting as I have been trying to manage the kids and my recovery this summer. This week I feel like the desire has returned and I am motivated to type in hopes that it will encourage and strengthen you. This is part of the testimony I shared with a few groups at our church.

Only in the most uncomfortable places in life can we see the face of God most clearly. Jennifer Rothschild

I can honestly say that my experience has certainly helped me see God more clearly.

On August18 th my life drastically changed. I was given a diagnosis that seemed so unfamiliar and the unknown was hard to take initially. All I could think of was a simple verse that I had taught Bennett and Cody. "When I am afraid, I will trust in you"

People would say to me "God is in control, God is good, Good will come out of this" Yes, I had experienced this before, but somehow I found myself asking no matter what? I knew then that God was taking me on a deeper journey with him. Was I willing to trust him? I soon realized that I was going to have to make some tough choices. Was I going to live in anxiety or was I going to choose to draw closer to God and experience his peace and love for me. This took a lot of effort some days. I knew I was going to have to work hard at keeping my eyes on God.

How did I do that? I had been given a journal and in it I began to write. Not necessarily my reflections because that seemed too exhausting, but verses from the Bible and quotes from books. I realized I had all these great books on my shelf but couldn't remember specifics. This journal became so precious to me because I would lay it beside me on my bed and I would ponder and reflect and pray. Instead of having lots of different books I had all my favorites parts in one place. I became very inspired by heroes of the faith. I needed courage to walk this painful and difficult road.

I also listened to a lot of worship songs in the beginning days and one was especially meaningful to me.
The voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid, the voice of truth says this is for my glory... Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

I want to share some of my favorites from this journal. This entry I will focus on a couple of examples of how God showed me he was there.
1)Even from the very beginning God showed me that he was there. It was no coincidence that not only did I have a Christian nurse in the hospital but it was a nurse from my own church. She was such a blessing and encouragement to me.

2)"Oh, I have so much to learn. The wilderness really does show us who we really are and who we trust. I confess I am not very proud of where my thoughts have been. In discomfort it is amazing how it is easy to falter and wonder why or how long. I should be resting and trusting that God knows, that he is here, that my hope comes from him not from when my body feels better. I will not forget the night that I was digesting the doctor's visit I had had that day and the reality that things were not progressing like I had hoped. I remember thinking " help me know you are here". It was at that moment that I looked out at the most brilliant sunset. Wow! He was here. Again, the next morning when tears were so close that I chose Michael W. Smith CD Worship. It was no coincidence that I needed those songs. "Draw me close to you, never let me go....help me know that you are near. It wasn't just that song but the next one that made me weep. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus..... and the things of earth will grow strangely dim" Oh Lord, please teach me how to look to you."

There are so many more examples of how God has shown us his love and compassion and I am so thankful. He is so faithful.

Next time: " Is God enough?"

Status Quo

The reason why we haven't written for a month is that little has changed. Rhonda continues to be able to do a number of basic functions. She can drive, take care of the kids, make meals, etc. However, she continues to experience signficant leg pain for which she has to take medication. If she's on her feet too much the pain gets worse. She really can only do one outing a day at the most.

Currently, Rhonda's mom is here for the next week so that is a big help. My hope and prayer is that Rhonda will also be able to rest a bit while I'm gone with the boys to Colorado for a week and a half. In addition, we hope that once schools starts back up Rhonda will be able to inch forward some more with her recovery since the boys will be in school. I guess those are a lot of hopes. It's now been eleven months, so it's hard to know what the future holds. Still, we continue to remain hopeful.

Our Current Pattern

For the first part of this summer, we seem to be in a tolerable, but not ideal, pattern. Rhonda continues to be able to take care of the kids and do basic household tasks. However, if she has to exert herself in extra ways (e.g., a trip to Fort Worth to renew her permanent resident card, doing more with the kids), she often pays for it. Her leg pain increases and she even has some of the old problems with headaches and strained vision. Fortunately, rest seems to help her body settle back down. We're thankful for the babysitting and meal help we've received, because it helps Rhonda get the rest she needs to get back on track. It's hard to tell right now whether we're making progress, but life certainly feels less stressful than the previous months. We continue to hope and pray. Thanks for all your prayers.

Good news!

We are so thankful that the doctor confirmed today that Perry did not tear anything in his knee. The MRI did show that he has a bone bruise which does not require any intervention other than rest. Hopefully in 6-8 weeks he will be back to normal with no further problems.

The last two weeks have definitely been challenging but we certainly see improvements for both of us. Perry is now walking without crutches and the swelling and stiffness are much better. Last week with the increased activity and stress my pain levels were terrible and the new medication I was trying was not helping. This week my pain levels have been manageable which is so helpful. Having the boys at VBS each morning has allowed me some rest time so that I am able to be more active later.

Despite the craziness we have had a few laughs. Last Sunday at church we were waiting for the elevator to take it up to our Sunday school class seeing that we were both a bit diabled. There were some elderly ladies standing there greeting us. As we were visiting, one of the ladies asked us if we were newleyweds and we started to laugh and said that no we have been married almost 12 years. We joked that the reason we were holding hands was that we were holding each other up ( not really). Well, we take their comment as a compliment and are thankful that through the past year we have grown to appreciate, love and need each other in a deeper way.

Interestingly enough last week we had been talking with the boys about how God is a keeper of promises. I have really been convicted that I need share with them about what God is teaching me and so I was glad to share how God gave me the verse Isaiah 41:10 as a promise back in January. Cody and Bennett were able to pick some promises that I had written on cards. Cody picked "The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid" (He has a great fear of wasps and bees). It was a day later that Perry injured his leg and I realized that we would need that verse as a frequent reminder that week.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers!

Bad timing for a knee injury

One of the things that has helped me the past few months is being able to play basketball again now that my thumb is better. Unfortunately, someone fell into my knee yesterday while I was playing and did some damage. A kind Baylor trainer took an initial look at it and tenatively concluded that he did not think I hurt my ACL and perhaps only tore my meniscus. We'll only know more after further doctors visits and exams (the first starts on Thursday). The current result is that I'm now on crutches. There is never a good time for a knee injury, but it sure feels like this is certainly not the time. We'd appreciate your prayers. PG

Good visit

We are very thankful for a good visit with the neurologist. He was very thorough, patient amidst the complexity and compassionate. I left feeling like he really wanted to help me find the right combination of medications that would help me be more comfortable. Of course this is going to take some time, but we at least have a plan.

It is always amazing to me how over time more pieces of the puzzle come together. The greatest insight I received was understanding why I still have a lot of pain even though my nerve conduction tests are normal. I had not understood the nerve tests only test the heavily myelinated nerves that control movement and strength. This means that there is no clear way to see how the other nerves(ie.those responsible for pain) are functioning. The key then is to manage the symptoms while they heal. Of course, that means that there is no way of determining when the healing process will be complete.

So, I continue to be reminded and reflect on a quote that I found eight months ago.
"Waiting strengthens us by teaching us that our joy and peace and hope don't depend on when our needs and wants are met." Jennifer Rothschild
Rhonda

P.S. I can't forget the answered prayers this week. We have been talking and praying about what we would do this summer. Perry was pretty concerned about how I was going to manage with the boys all the time. God had it all figured out for us and graciously provided us with a friend's daughter to help me. We are so thankful!!

He is able!

Last Friday was quite a day! Do you ever have those days where everything seems to hit at once? That was how I was feeling. Emotionally I was struggling. It wasn’t that I had given up or didn’t feel that God was there or couldn’t work it out. I was just tired. Tired of hurting and tired of trying to figure out what neurologist to go to, as well as tired of trying to accept the fact that I am going to have to be on more powerful medication to address the pain. It didn’t help that Thursday we received two bills from the hospital and Friday we received a significant bill from a lab that we weren’t expecting.

Little did I know that God was planning a surprise for me that afternoon and evening. Not only did I find a local neurologist that was highly recommended to me and who had an opening in 10 days, but we received a unexpected check from an unexpected source to cover almost exactly what we still owe the hospital. Wow! Needless to say I cried. It was so humbling to realize how much God cares for us in the midst of this time. There is absolutely no way that this was a coincidence, but divine intervention by a loving God. He continues to remind us that nothing is impossible with him.

I continue to remember his promise to me: Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”