rhondaglanzersblog

Wow, what a year!

2008-12-31T14:30:00.000-08:00

It is December 31, 2008 and I can’t help but think “Wow, what a year!” Yes, I thought that I would be at a different point than I am, but in the same breath I know that God has me exactly where he wants me. His faithfulness to me and my family astounds me. The reason I can say that is that I have been reflecting on this past year. There are so many examples of answers to prayer, of people calling or writing just when I needed it, or of books or verses that I read just when I needed them. Amazing!! Tonight I feel compelled to start a new tradition. Tonight we will be remembering all the ways that God was faithful to us and reflecting on some of the miracles and answers to prayer that we saw this year.

Mimi Wilson wrote “when we have a record of how he has taken care of us, it builds our faith and strengthens our ability to rest in his capacity to take care of our circumstances”. I have no idea what the next year will hold, but I am confident that because he has so faithfully taken care of us this year, he will continue. Will it be easy? No, probably not, but I know he is faithful.
Mimi continued to say that “A thankful, contented heart is a gift we give to him” I want to give that gift not only to God, but also to my family. After all, we are so blessed.
Here is an exerpt from our Christmas letter that lists some of the ways God was faithful to us in the last year and half. For those of you that received our letter sorry for the repetition.

*One of the most obvious and immediate ways we saw God’s faithfulness was through the Christian community. Immediately after Rhonda entered the hospital we had visits, flowers and plenty of prayer support. Our church brought us meals at least a couple times a week for almost a year. We’ve also had various people wash clothes for us, clean or pay cleaning, take care of our children and drive us to various doctor’s appointments. They have been the hands and feet of Christ in the midst of our difficulties. I’m not sure how someone can go through a difficult time like this without the body of Christ.

*The week that Rhonda went to the hospital was also the start of Perry’s semester long research sabbatical. The fact that Perry did not have to teach classes freed him up to take care of Rhonda and the boys during the most difficult period of Rhonda’s illness. In addition, we’ve seen God provide for us financially despite having a tremendous number of medical bills. Some of the stories of God’s provision in this area would require more space than we have here.

*Although our families live far away, they also sacrificed their lives by coming to visit and take care of Rhonda and the boys while Perry took various research trips to study Christian higher education in Europe. It’s wonderful to have such a caring and sacrificial family that gives of their time and resources in the midst of our need.

* Despite Rhonda’s illness the boys have continued to thrive and grow. They have become great playmates. In many ways they have benefitted from a mommy who was not distracted but very available for hugs, cuddles, and stories. Yes, it was hard when Mommy couldn’t take them school or come to their parties, but in the midst of it they have surprised us with their empathy. For example, Bennett once told Rhonda, “Mommy, I’m sad for you that you’re sick. I know that it’s hard to be in bed a lot.” And Cody often tells mommy that when he gets older he’s going to become a doctor and a cooker and take care of his mommy. We’ve also seen them learn how to take more responsibility at home and help mommy when she cannot clean or vacuum. They’ve been an encouragement and a good distraction during this time. We’ve both appreciated Bennett’s gift of humor and silliness in the midst of the weight of illness. Cody amazes us with his compassion and profound thoughts (e.g., Why did God give us bodies? Why did God make mean dinosaurs? There are three people who will always love you—God, your daddy and your mommy).
* In our marriage we’ve seen God use this illness to slow us down for both times with him and with each other. Having to stay home and say no to the many good activities that can fill your time has allowed us to enjoy more time together as a couple and a family. Not being able to go out on dates for a while, also sure makes you appreciate the ones we have now!

* From Rhonda: “But as for me, it is good to be near God, I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds” (Ps. 73:28). This sums it up well. God has become a very close companion to me. Is it possible to have peace in the midst of adversity? Does having a relationship with God make a difference? Is the Bible applicable to our lives today? I can now confidently say yes, yes, and yes. Without God’s Word and others people’s stories testifying the same, I know that I would have easily been fearful, anxious, depressed, and discouraged. Instead, I have had to deepen my understanding of what it means to walk by faith, trust when I couldn’t see, and choose to remember the ways that God has and is faithful to me. Through this time my compassion for others has deepened and my prayer life is so different. Yes, right now I cannot physically serve people as I used to, but I have learned that it is just as important to serve them by interceding in prayer. In fact, it is a great privilege. I have become very thankful for the things that we often take for granted like going to church, driving, going out to eat, and even going to the store. My learning curve has indeed been steep, but I am grateful for all that I have learned and I am praying for grace, wisdom, and strength to apply it.

This Christmas we not only celebrate God’s faithfulness through Christ but also the many other gifts he gives throughout our lives. Thank you so much for your prayers

It was their idea

2008-12-26T12:08:00.000-08:00

Both the boys and I agree that this is our favorite time of year for lots of different reasons. I have really enjoyed starting different traditions as they have gotten a little bit older. Bennett loves to decorate and of course they both love the count down to the 25th using our nativity advent calendar. They also look forward to advent. I grew up doing advent and I have a lot of fond memories related to it. I am so glad that my boys enjoy it too. We also love to read our Christmas books. When they were little I decided each year I wanted to give them a book so that when they are older they can take a Christmas book collection with them. This has become a great tradition that we all love.

Sometimes as a mother you don't always know if your ideas are going to be successful. This Christmas eve, I think I got it right. I decided on a simple supper meal starting with cheese fondue and ending with chocolate fondue (okay, it sounds fancy but it was really just our favorite chocolate chips melted). Bennett's response" Mommy, can we do this every year" and during the chocolate part Cody said " This is the life!

I was really proud of them and surprised when they suggested that the first thing that we would do on Christmas morning was read one of Bennett's favorite Christmas books called " The Legend of the Three Trees", do advent together and then open presents. I wished I could have captured on film them coming in at 7am in their robes and climbing into our bed and reading together followed by lighting our Jesus candle. I think they got the true meaning of Christmas for a few moments......until they were asking " Are there more presents for me? "

Probably the best moment this Christmas season was when we asked them "What is the best gift you can give Jesus?" and they both agreed "My heart" . What a great reminder!

A bit of relief!

2008-12-20T05:30:00.000-08:00

The medicine is working! The last two weeks I have noticed a difference and I feel like I am finally getting to a level in which the Neurontin is helping the pain. Prior to this when I would do anything extra like going to the store or parties at Cody's school I would dearly pay for it in the next few days. I have noticed that I am pain, but it does not disable me as much. This is quite amazing for me and is such a nice relief especially before Christmas. Thank you for your prayers. It mean so much to me. Your prayers have certainly helped sustain me.

Several people have asked me if I thought I was progressing and healing from the Guillian Barre. That is such a hard question. I think so, but it is slow. I feel like I am more functional, but I am not sure if it is because I am taking more medicine or I am healing. I do notice that I don't have as much muscle fatigue as I once did and I am so thankful for that. There have been times when I have backed off on my Neurontin and have noticed my pain increases. So that leads me to believe that if I did not have the Neurontin I would be in more pain. I honestly don't dwell on it too much. I have had to learn to thank God for the gift of today and his provision for today. That is the focus that helps me get through.

A Great Day!

2008-12-20T05:10:00.000-08:00

Today is a great day to celebrate God's faithfulness. My brother is graduating today from Penn State with his doctorate and I can't begin to tell how thankful and greatful to God for answering our prayers. After a very difficult journey he did it. What an amazing accomplishment for someone who has suffered so much. Oh, I wish I could be there to celebrate with them. However, it is probably a good thing because I would be a mess. Is is okay to carry a box of Kleenex with you?
For those of you who have prayed for him over the years thank you. Does God still do the impossible? Yes!!! I have seen it with my own eyes. Yes, he has improved, however he still has tremendous pain that I can't even begin to describe to you. With God's help and his medicine he is more functional and I am amazed at what he can do.
He really is my hero. Even before I got Guillian Barre he taught me a lot about suffering and now through my experience I totally get what he was trying to tell me. He continues to model faithfulness in the midst of a really hard experience. I will never forget the picture he gave me of God weeping with us during our pain. I have often thought of that and God's presence and compassion has certainly got me through the hard days.

So, I celebrate today with my brother and I give all praise and thanksgiving to God for hearing our prayers and allowing him to have this moment.

Very thankful!!

2008-12-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was very meaningful for me this year and I have to admit that I often found myself teary. Here are a couple of the highlights of the last few weeks.

First, two weeks ago I was able to go to an evening mission meeting. This was a big deal for me. I felt really emotional that night because for one evening I forgot about my illness and remembered my love for missions. It was such a treat. Because my in laws were here to chauffeur, do laundry and make supper I was able to rest during the day and then I was able to go in the evening. Thank you Joe and Cynthia! Did I tell you that I even got to go out for supper with my husband. Yeh!

Second, I also got to go to our church Thanksgiving supper. It has been long time since I went to church in the evening. I realized how thankful I was for the ability to go to church. I was so thankful for my church family who has helped us so much during the last 16 months.

Thirdly, with my mother in laws help we were able to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and have a few of our Russian friends over. What a blessing! It has been awhile since we have been able to entertain. It was very special.

Traditionally every year the boys go out and get a branch and we put it in a vase. We write things we are thankful for on paper leaves and hang it on our tree. Our tree was full and it was a great reminder of how blessed we are.

1Thessalonians 5:22
Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

My sweet boys!

2008-12-01T07:38:00.000-08:00

Here they are and so cute. They sure make me smile and definitely make me laugh. We recently started a new tradition at our house. Every dinner time is question time. Each person gets to ask a question and the rest of us have to answer it. We have learned a lot about each other and I think that the boys have had an easier time answering the questions than I have. ie. What is your favorite, favorite place to eat? What do you think heaven will be like? What is your favorite animal? and What was your favorite thing to do this week?

Bennett is our project man. He loves to be creative. Give him an idea or plan some kind of craft or project and he can hardly contain his excitement. Don't mention the project ahead of time or you may have to do it at 7am. He loves Legos and building things. He has reputation for taking random things and creating things with it. He also has a great imagination and goes on many adventures to get the bad guys of course. He loves Star Wars and I am convinced would love to be the next Jedi Knight. He is our morning guy and has an amazingly happy disposition. He is very affectionate and frequently stops playing to give his mommy a quick hug.

Cody is our compassionate and senstive one. He has frequently told me that when he grows up he wants to be a doctor and a cooker so he can take care of Mommy and Daddy. I would not be surprised if he did. He constantly surprises us with his profound thoughts. ie. Why did God make mean dinosaurs? Did you know that God still loves us even when we make mistakes? I am glad that there won't be any wasps in heaven! He loves a wide variety of things but his favorites are Star Wars, legos, and playmobil. Sound familiar? He loves his brother and often says "You are the best big brother ever!" He is a great playmate for Bennett and that has been a great blessing for me especially during this time.

So if you come to visit don't forget to bring your lightsaber, scissors, glue stick or in Cody's case you might even want to bring your sword because you may have to pretend that you are Goliath. You never know what kind of adventure you will go on at our house.

A good reminder

2008-11-12T08:07:00.001-08:00

Every so often I get out my Guillian Barre book and I probably should more often because it helps me understand my pain. Perhaps it will help you too.
"Pain is an underappreciated symptom that may persist for many years after GBS. It may be neuropathic pain or the pain that results from oversuse of incompletely recovered muscles....Many patients complain of persistent discomfort in their feet. This discomfort may take the form of tingling, an illusion of swelling or tightness or aching pain. The symptoms tend to be worse in the evening or at night...Neuropathic pain is particularly annoying during the nights that follow days during which the patients have been on their feet. Pain improves with time in some patients, but others are left with annoying or disabling pain that persists for years. Even though most patients recover their strength following GBS, some are left with persistent pain. Treatment for neuropathic pain is a challenge. Complete relief is difficult to relieve. "

I have to admit that sometimes it is a struggle because yes I look normal and yes I am functioning, but I am sure uncomfortable. The crazy thing is that from day to day it varies greatly. Yes, I have realized just how much my medicine is helping, but I sure realize how much more I need. I am so thankful that we found something that works, and I am in the process of trying to increase it to a level in which the side effects are not disabling.

Thank you! Thank you! to those that continue to surprise us with meals or help. God is so good to us!! Honestly, there are times in the midst of my pain when it seems exhausting to have to think or call someone for help. We so appreciate your prayers!!

My goal for the next blog------ My boys. Some have asked for a recent picture, and so I hope to show you my sweet boys. They are so funny and full of life.

The battle is real!

2008-10-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

There are many days and many moments when I have feel like I am in battle. Battling to remain hopeful, battling to recover, and battling to take care of my family amidst a body that doesn’t want to function properly. And especially battling through scripture and prayer when it feels like the enemy is wanting to devour me and my family. The battle has been more real to me and reading the psalms has helped me realize that David knew how fierce the battle could be. I am so thankful that he wrote his psalms (Ps 46,63) down because it has brought me incredible perspective, insight and has motivated me to fight. Like never before I find myself praying about everything big and small. I have been humbled sometimes when I realize that I should pray more for the little things. I had a great reminder of this last week.

I have needed to buy some pajamas and jeans for Bennett and it seems that it takes me forever to do errands like that right now. It all depends on what other activities we have and my pain levels whether I can do errands or not. I honestly didn’t pray about it, but knew it would eventually get done. Last week there was a box left at our house by my friend who has blessed us many other times with clothes. I probably don’t need to tell you what was in the box….. not one, but four pairs of pajamas and several pairs of pants. I admit, I was teary and so thankful. I often tease my friend and tell her that she must get memos from God because every time she brings clothes to us it is exactly what we need.

I am so glad that he cares for the big things too. I have been battling in prayer for Bennett too. Recently, we discovered he has a learning disability. We suspected this last year, but thought that with practice it would improve. God led us to go and have him assessed at the Baylor Speech clinic which gave us great insight into his needs. We were so thankful to have their expertise and were so humbled when he got a therapy spot for four hours each week. Yes, it is an adjustment and I feel like I am on a very steep learning curve. But the amazing thing is that because of my illness, my life has remained simple and I have time to learn. I really believe through prayer Bennett has adjusted very well to the therapy and I see benefits already. I find myself constantly having to give Bennett over to God knowing that he is in control and that he loves Bennett so much more than I do. There is no doubt that God gave Bennett a special personality for a reason. His laughter and smiles and even his made up songs and bad jokes have brought me joy during the hard days.

I read this quote recently which I thought captured it well

It puzzles me; but Lord, You understand
And will one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that is has worked Your best
Its very crookedness taught me to cling.

So I will thank and praise You for this puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing You hold me worth such testing,
I cling the closer to Your guiding hand.

A day at a time

2008-10-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

Once a week and it usually happens on a Thursday I have and need a rest (bed) day. To some it may seem like an inconvenience but for me it is a necessity and believe it or not usually a blessing. Several people have said to me that on the days that the boys are both at school I probably struggle not to do too much. Occasionally maybe but usually not. I have had to let go of a lot. No, I don't like to be in pain or feel terrible, but the days in bed are the ones when I learn the most. Those are the days when I do a lot of praying and thinking and reflecting.

One of my favorite times of day is at 830am. This is not because I have just dropped off Cody, but because that is when I listen to the Focus on the Family broadcast. Prior to my illness I did not listen and I wish I had. I have been so blessed and inspired by listening to different speakers. This morning was no exception as I listened to Dr. David Jeremiah talk about his new book"When your world falls apart". Listening to him talk about his battle with cancer and what he learned sure resonated with me. Not because I can relate to having cancer but about God's presence, peace and provision during something hard. Interestingly enough he is a speaker that really ministered to me during the first part of my illness. I find I can relate a lot more these days to people who are in pain and I think a great thing is that I am more willing to go to people's place of pain without being uncomfortable. There have been several times in the last month when I have thanked God for using my pain to minister to someone. No, I can't physically help people as much like I used to, but I sure can pray and encourage people.

The good news from the blood work I had done is that I do not have an inflammatory disease ie. lupus, rheumatoid arthritis etc. This leads us to believe that the pain and symptoms are still from my nerves recovering. I have to be honest and say that it has been hard to rest in my diagnoses mainly because some of my symptoms don't match up to the typical case of Guillian Barre. Following the most recent blood work I have had to make a decision to rest in what we know right now and take a day at a time. This past weekend I was more convinced than ever how much my medicine is helping. I was getting low on medicine and had not made it to the pharmacy to get my new prescription. I knew that Perry was going to go grocery shopping on Sunday and decided to wait until then. Unfortunately, I did not realize that the pharmacy closed early. I had no medicine to take at night and as a result slept very poorly because my legs where burning so bad. I am so thankful that we found something to help and I am trying to slowly increase it during the day to get more relief. Please pray that I will be able to tolerate it. From someone who never took medicine it is a big adjustment to constantly be thinking about when my next pill is due. This is an interesting season.

God cares

2008-09-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

It is so good to have reminders that God cares about the little things. Here are some recent examples.
1)Our boys are big "WipeOut" fans. Last week it was WipeOut night and the boys were eagerly anticipating their favorite show. What we didn't realize was that it was a two hour show that evening. When eight o'clock came and it was time for bed they were both in tears because they wouldn't be able see all of it. Finally we were able to console them with the fact that we would tape it and they could watch tomorrow. I was praying that the taping process would work properly or I would have some very upset boys. After they showered, I for some reason went to check the VCR and noticed that it was turned off. AHHH!! Perry often automatically turns it off at night and so he did it without thought. Well, thankfully not much time had elapsed and we were back on track. The absolutely amazing thing was that at exactly 900 the video tape ran out of tape. Both Perry and I realized that if he wouldn't have turned off the VCR the boys would have missed the best part of the show. Great reminder that God understands the big picture and we often do not! So glad he is control and I am not.

2)At the beginning of this week I had another neurologist visit and I had been praying that God would help me communicate my questions and concerns. I am so thankful that I found this new neurologist. He is such a good listener and very caring and asks good questions. I feel like he treats me like a person and not just a another patient or number.
We are thankful that the new medicine called Neurontin is helping me sleep at night and my headaches have lessened which is wonderful. The challenge has been finding relief during the day. My body hates activity. I have a lot of muscle fatigue, burning, tingling and deep aching. Some days it is more challenging then others, but it greatly affects my day and my ability to care for my family. There are symptoms that I just don't understand.
We would appreciate your prayers as we try to understand my symptoms and also try to find something to make me more comfortable. The good thing is that my doctor ordered a few more blood tests to investigate some avenues we had wondered before but had never explored.

Sorry, that was the backdrop to my "God cares" story. After my appointment I went next door to Providence to get my blood work done. I thought I had lots of time before I had to get Cody from preschool, but I was wrong. The crazy thing was that the admitting desk put it in the system I couldn't come back the next day. The admitting desk is downstairs and I didn't realize there was a long line upstairs at the lab. I needed help from God because I had already done a lot of walking and was hurting and I knew I would have to get Cody and come back up to the lab and possibly wait a long time. The receptionist didn't give me much hope that I could get in quickly even if I came back within the next hour. So, my strategy was to trust God, get Bush's chicken (that always helps) to keep my hungry five year old busy during the wait and hope for miracle. Guess what I found when I returned ...... two people waiting and a unusually patient son during the whole process. Thank you God for caring for little things!!!

Over a year

2008-08-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

It's now been over a year since Rhonda was diagnosed with GB. In many ways life is much less stressful and for that we are very thankful. We can exist at the basic level as long as we do very little extra. However, the last few months have actually been a bit discouraging. Rhonda's recovery seems to have stalled. She also continues to experience significant leg pain if she increases her activity. The first week of school was certainly one of those occassions. It has brought back some feelings and stress associated with the past year. As always, we hope and pray for improvement.

No relief yet

2008-08-12T16:22:00.000-07:00

Thank you for praying!! I am tolerating the medicine(less drowsiness), however I have had only a little relief from the pain. Because I have to slowly increase it, it will be a couple weeks before I am on the maximum dose. I am trying not to think much beyond this because I continue to pray and hope that it will work.
It has been a little challenging since the boys came home because my pain went from manageable to difficult to manage. It is amazing how my increase in activity affects my legs and my head. Thankfully, Cody will start preschool on the 21st each morning and Bennett will start on the 26th. We are hoping that this will allow me some rest time each day so that I will be able to handle the activity of the rest of the day.

New medicine

2008-08-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

Please pray as I try to adjust to some new medicine that will hopefully help the nerve pain in my legs. A couple of months ago I started taking medicine in hopes that it would help. Intially, I thought it was working but that was short lived and I continue to be really uncomfortable when I increase my activity.
Last week it was obvious when I met with the doctor that I needed to get off of it and try something different. Thankfully the new medicine has had minor SE so far, but I feel so drowsy and drugged. Supposedly this will decrease in time. I am only taking one and I am suppose increase it to six a day. I don't know how my body will respond to it.
Perry and the boys return Tuesday evening and I am praying that God will help me take care of the boys and give me wisdom with how to increase the medicine.

Contentment

2008-08-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

It was three or four years ago when I bought the book Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. It had been highly recommended to me and so I was interested. I did not necessarily feel anxious or feel that I was discontented but nonetheless I wanted to try it. After looking at the table of contents ( content to be me, content with circumstances, trusting God with the what ifs and if onlys) I knew I needed this book and since it has become one of my favorites.

It was hard to get past the beginning pages. She talked about a friend who had found her mother's journal. In it she discovered her mother's key to contentment. Her mother had worked with the pygmies in Africa for fifty-two years. This is what it said:

*Never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather
*Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else
*Never compare your lot with another's
*Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
*Never dwell on tomorrow-remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours

Wow! Try to apply these for even one day.

There are so many treasures in this book but I want to share a couple of highlights.
* "He infuses contentment into us through his Word"
*"Contentment comes from a proper relationship to God, not from a response to the circumstances. Our what ifs will either drive us to God and faith or they will drive us to worry and dependence on self"
*"Only as our hearts are fixed on our Sovereign, Loving Lord can we be at peace in the midst of the What ifs. We can only trust God when our focus is on Him and not on our circumstances"
* "Our anxiety should be used as a springboard to pray specifically"

There are so many wonderful things in this book and I pray for the grace to apply them in my life.

Being uncomfortable

2008-08-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

As you can see from all these entries I have been on a steep learning curve the last year. There is a lot that God is teaching me and certainly a lot of it has been a bit uncomfortable. I have quoted Jennifer Rothschild a lot because her book has impacted me greatly. Her book "Lessons I learned in the Dark" is a lot about walking by faith. She points out that "the wilderness teaches us who we are and whom we really trust". She also said that God is much more interested in our character than our comfort.

Isn't it interesting that we would say that about our children. We are much more interested in their character than our children being comfortable all the time. We often have to make tough decisions for them because we want them to be Godly women and men some day. We want them to make good choices, and so it is with this love that we train and teach them.

Why is it that we don't allow God to do this in our lives? Do we question his love for us and cannot trust that he is more interested in our character?

I have often reflected on how we hate to be uncomfortable. We complain about our busy lives and we wonder when we will get a break. Then when we do get a break we are uncomfortable because we don't know what to do with ourselves. The rest or solitude is awkward. We feel like we need to fill every moment with something. What does that say about our lives? When was the last time you just sat in silence to hear from God? We hate to suffer and when it does come we are surprised and we think of it as an unexpected and unwanted intruder.

I have learned a lot about suffering from my brother and I know that this has helped me a lot during this time. It was very difficult for me to feel sorry for myself because my brother had it so much worse than I did. In fact, through this I have gained a heart of compassion for all that he has gone through . I could now identify in a way I couldn't otherwise.

I honestly admit that I have often been perplexed by suffering and by really hard things that happen. I have met people that have a lot of anger towards God for the problems they face. They have asked "Is God punishing me?"

It is through my brother and other peoples example that I think I understand another piece of the puzzle. I do not deny that sometimes we feel the consequences of our bad choices, but I also think that we live in a fallen world and because of that we are going to be afflicted with disease and problems and we are even going to unfortunately be affected by others bad decisions and mistakes. This is a hard reality! I have come to realize that God is weeping with my brother and me and those that have bodies that are not working properly. God wants us not to focus on the present but on the future where we will have new bodies. This is not our home!

It is with this perspective that I can go on. I can clearly see that he can redeem all things. I look at people who have gone through very hard times with God as their helper and I marvel at their perspective . Only God could do that and so that motivates me to ask God to do that in my life.

Next time: Contentment

The true source of hope

2008-08-01T15:07:00.001-07:00

Here are some insights into hope that I have received in the last year.
In January I was struggling. I had relapsed for the second time and the doctor diagnosed me with the chronic form of Guillian Barre. I had suspected this, but it was very hard to accept. What does this mean? How do I take care of my children? How long will I have to be on these infusions? God, please help me to trust you and to put my hope in you. What does that even mean for me to put my hope only in God? God and I had a lot of conversations.

I now realize that there was a death that had to take place. I had to die to myself. I had no control. I remember in tears telling God that even if he did not restore my body here on earth, I would wait in eager expectation to when there would be no more pain, no more tears, and he would give me a new body. My hope was in him!
Amazingly enough, after the process of letting go God blessed us with good news. After a second and third opinion it was confirmed that I did not have the chronic form and hopefully in time I would recover. There is no doubt in my mind that God used this experience to help me put my focus in the right place.

Here are some quotes again from Jennifer Rothschild's book "Lessons I learned in the Dark" that have helped me.

Hope for healing is in him alone. Therefore my soul can wait-wait as long as it takes, even if it never happens here on earth. He alone is my rock and my refuge. My deliverance is not my source of hope-he is .

Hope in anything other than God himself will always disappoint.
When our hope is in God alone, not in what God can do for us, then we will not be shaken.

Don't fix your hope on earthly things like financial security, unruffled relationships, or restored health. The temporary things can never be a true source of hope. Instead fix your hope on God and his eternal word.

A quote from Jennifer's son " If God healed you here on earth you might love earth more and heaven is best"

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. They give us hope and encourgement as we wait patiently for God's promises. Romans 15:4

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone, my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress I will not be shaken. Psalm 62:5

Next time: Am I willing to trade my comfort for companionship with God?

It is hard to wait!

2008-08-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

Waiting strenthens us by teaching us that our joy and peace and hope don't depend on when our needs and wants are met. Jennifer Rothschild
Wow!! I have had to ponder this statement a lot. It is so hard to wait sometimes. We think our children are impatient. We are not much different.
Recovery from Guillian Barre has indeed been challenging and often very rocky. I felt like I was constantly waiting for the next Dr visit, waiting for the next test, waiting for the next day to come because I couldn't sleep and waiting for any sign of recovery. It has been like a roller coaster. In the midst of the waiting I have found myself saying" God please don't let me miss out on what you want to teach me" He took me literally and has given me treasures that I wouldn't have received if he had immediately taken things away.

Psalm 40 I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Any vision for the future that is full of failure and empty of hope is not from God.
God doesn't want us to know the future. He wants us to know him. He wants us to trust him to guide us into the future one stip at a time.
Power of Praying Parent

One of my favorites from Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
The Lord is my peace. I shall not live in anxiety. He puts me under his wing of comfort and calms my Spirit within me. He takes all my anxieties on Himself adn helps me to focus on him. Yes, though I walk wthrough a time of grave uncertainties and fierce anxieties, I will not fret-for you are my peace. Your word and your presence calm me now. You hold my uncertainties in the palm of your hand. You sooth my anxious mind--You smooth my wrinkled brow. Surely serenity and trust in you shall fill me all the days of my life. And I shall keep my mind stayed on you forever.

Next time: The true source of hope

Is God enough?

2008-08-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

I vividly remember the day eight months ago that I was listening to a talk on the radio by Dr. David Jeremiah titled God is enough. I was quite intrigued by his message because I had been wrestling with this thought as I lay in my bed. I was in pain, could do very little activity and I couldn't read because my eyes were bothering me. It was in the spot that I was a very attentive listener.

Dr. Jeremiah shared that through his experience with cancer he had learned that God was indeed enough. He went on to say that if you don't have a relationship with God I would encourage you to get one because the storms will come and having God in the midst of it will make all the difference.

It became very obvious to me that it is not if but when. Several of my friends would say to me that they were scared about what was next in their lives. They said they didn't know how they could handle my situation. I think we all have storms in our lives (i.e. difficult marriages, physical problems, job stress). The reality of living in a fallen world hits hard sometimes.

I have pondered Dr. Jeremiah's message and indeed asked "Does it make a difference?" and it wasn't until recently that God revealed to me something very profound.
Almost eight years ago Perry and I went through a very difficult season. We had had multiple moves, a sick child , a miscarriage, and a loss of a dream that was very hard for us. Looking back I realize that prior to this season I did not have a close relationship with God. I had a relationship but it was not vibrant and growing. I was working full-time and busy with life. I think we can all relate. When the storm hit it was very hard and I struggled. I was not making some good choices and I was choosing to look at the waves instead of God.

This storm has been so much different. Yes, my physical body is struggling but spiritually walking closely to God in the midst of it has been amazing!

I am very thankful for this comparison and I pray that God would continue to remind me how much I need him for the big and little challenges in life. I am even more thankful for his grace for the times I so easily forget.

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16

Next time: It is hard to wait!

Time to write

2008-07-31T16:35:00.000-07:00

This entry seems long over due. I have wanted to type some of my reflections about the last year and honestly it seemed too exhausting as I have been trying to manage the kids and my recovery this summer. This week I feel like the desire has returned and I am motivated to type in hopes that it will encourage and strengthen you. This is part of the testimony I shared with a few groups at our church.

Only in the most uncomfortable places in life can we see the face of God most clearly. Jennifer Rothschild

I can honestly say that my experience has certainly helped me see God more clearly.

On August18 th my life drastically changed. I was given a diagnosis that seemed so unfamiliar and the unknown was hard to take initially. All I could think of was a simple verse that I had taught Bennett and Cody. "When I am afraid, I will trust in you"

People would say to me "God is in control, God is good, Good will come out of this" Yes, I had experienced this before, but somehow I found myself asking no matter what? I knew then that God was taking me on a deeper journey with him. Was I willing to trust him? I soon realized that I was going to have to make some tough choices. Was I going to live in anxiety or was I going to choose to draw closer to God and experience his peace and love for me. This took a lot of effort some days. I knew I was going to have to work hard at keeping my eyes on God.

How did I do that? I had been given a journal and in it I began to write. Not necessarily my reflections because that seemed too exhausting, but verses from the Bible and quotes from books. I realized I had all these great books on my shelf but couldn't remember specifics. This journal became so precious to me because I would lay it beside me on my bed and I would ponder and reflect and pray. Instead of having lots of different books I had all my favorites parts in one place. I became very inspired by heroes of the faith. I needed courage to walk this painful and difficult road.

I also listened to a lot of worship songs in the beginning days and one was especially meaningful to me.
The voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid, the voice of truth says this is for my glory... Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

I want to share some of my favorites from this journal. This entry I will focus on a couple of examples of how God showed me he was there.
1)Even from the very beginning God showed me that he was there. It was no coincidence that not only did I have a Christian nurse in the hospital but it was a nurse from my own church. She was such a blessing and encouragement to me.

2)"Oh, I have so much to learn. The wilderness really does show us who we really are and who we trust. I confess I am not very proud of where my thoughts have been. In discomfort it is amazing how it is easy to falter and wonder why or how long. I should be resting and trusting that God knows, that he is here, that my hope comes from him not from when my body feels better. I will not forget the night that I was digesting the doctor's visit I had had that day and the reality that things were not progressing like I had hoped. I remember thinking " help me know you are here". It was at that moment that I looked out at the most brilliant sunset. Wow! He was here. Again, the next morning when tears were so close that I chose Michael W. Smith CD Worship. It was no coincidence that I needed those songs. "Draw me close to you, never let me go....help me know that you are near. It wasn't just that song but the next one that made me weep. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus..... and the things of earth will grow strangely dim" Oh Lord, please teach me how to look to you."

There are so many more examples of how God has shown us his love and compassion and I am so thankful. He is so faithful.

Next time: " Is God enough?"

Status Quo

2008-07-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

The reason why we haven't written for a month is that little has changed. Rhonda continues to be able to do a number of basic functions. She can drive, take care of the kids, make meals, etc. However, she continues to experience signficant leg pain for which she has to take medication. If she's on her feet too much the pain gets worse. She really can only do one outing a day at the most.

Currently, Rhonda's mom is here for the next week so that is a big help. My hope and prayer is that Rhonda will also be able to rest a bit while I'm gone with the boys to Colorado for a week and a half. In addition, we hope that once schools starts back up Rhonda will be able to inch forward some more with her recovery since the boys will be in school. I guess those are a lot of hopes. It's now been eleven months, so it's hard to know what the future holds. Still, we continue to remain hopeful.

Our Current Pattern

2008-06-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

For the first part of this summer, we seem to be in a tolerable, but not ideal, pattern. Rhonda continues to be able to take care of the kids and do basic household tasks. However, if she has to exert herself in extra ways (e.g., a trip to Fort Worth to renew her permanent resident card, doing more with the kids), she often pays for it. Her leg pain increases and she even has some of the old problems with headaches and strained vision. Fortunately, rest seems to help her body settle back down. We're thankful for the babysitting and meal help we've received, because it helps Rhonda get the rest she needs to get back on track. It's hard to tell right now whether we're making progress, but life certainly feels less stressful than the previous months. We continue to hope and pray. Thanks for all your prayers.

Good news!

2008-06-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

We are so thankful that the doctor confirmed today that Perry did not tear anything in his knee. The MRI did show that he has a bone bruise which does not require any intervention other than rest. Hopefully in 6-8 weeks he will be back to normal with no further problems.

The last two weeks have definitely been challenging but we certainly see improvements for both of us. Perry is now walking without crutches and the swelling and stiffness are much better. Last week with the increased activity and stress my pain levels were terrible and the new medication I was trying was not helping. This week my pain levels have been manageable which is so helpful. Having the boys at VBS each morning has allowed me some rest time so that I am able to be more active later.

Despite the craziness we have had a few laughs. Last Sunday at church we were waiting for the elevator to take it up to our Sunday school class seeing that we were both a bit diabled. There were some elderly ladies standing there greeting us. As we were visiting, one of the ladies asked us if we were newleyweds and we started to laugh and said that no we have been married almost 12 years. We joked that the reason we were holding hands was that we were holding each other up ( not really). Well, we take their comment as a compliment and are thankful that through the past year we have grown to appreciate, love and need each other in a deeper way.

Interestingly enough last week we had been talking with the boys about how God is a keeper of promises. I have really been convicted that I need share with them about what God is teaching me and so I was glad to share how God gave me the verse Isaiah 41:10 as a promise back in January. Cody and Bennett were able to pick some promises that I had written on cards. Cody picked "The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid" (He has a great fear of wasps and bees). It was a day later that Perry injured his leg and I realized that we would need that verse as a frequent reminder that week.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers!

Bad timing for a knee injury

2008-06-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

One of the things that has helped me the past few months is being able to play basketball again now that my thumb is better. Unfortunately, someone fell into my knee yesterday while I was playing and did some damage. A kind Baylor trainer took an initial look at it and tenatively concluded that he did not think I hurt my ACL and perhaps only tore my meniscus. We'll only know more after further doctors visits and exams (the first starts on Thursday). The current result is that I'm now on crutches. There is never a good time for a knee injury, but it sure feels like this is certainly not the time. We'd appreciate your prayers. PG

Good visit

2008-05-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

We are very thankful for a good visit with the neurologist. He was very thorough, patient amidst the complexity and compassionate. I left feeling like he really wanted to help me find the right combination of medications that would help me be more comfortable. Of course this is going to take some time, but we at least have a plan.

It is always amazing to me how over time more pieces of the puzzle come together. The greatest insight I received was understanding why I still have a lot of pain even though my nerve conduction tests are normal. I had not understood the nerve tests only test the heavily myelinated nerves that control movement and strength. This means that there is no clear way to see how the other nerves(ie.those responsible for pain) are functioning. The key then is to manage the symptoms while they heal. Of course, that means that there is no way of determining when the healing process will be complete.

So, I continue to be reminded and reflect on a quote that I found eight months ago.
"Waiting strengthens us by teaching us that our joy and peace and hope don't depend on when our needs and wants are met." Jennifer Rothschild
Rhonda

P.S. I can't forget the answered prayers this week. We have been talking and praying about what we would do this summer. Perry was pretty concerned about how I was going to manage with the boys all the time. God had it all figured out for us and graciously provided us with a friend's daughter to help me. We are so thankful!!

He is able!

2008-05-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Last Friday was quite a day! Do you ever have those days where everything seems to hit at once? That was how I was feeling. Emotionally I was struggling. It wasn’t that I had given up or didn’t feel that God was there or couldn’t work it out. I was just tired. Tired of hurting and tired of trying to figure out what neurologist to go to, as well as tired of trying to accept the fact that I am going to have to be on more powerful medication to address the pain. It didn’t help that Thursday we received two bills from the hospital and Friday we received a significant bill from a lab that we weren’t expecting.

Little did I know that God was planning a surprise for me that afternoon and evening. Not only did I find a local neurologist that was highly recommended to me and who had an opening in 10 days, but we received a unexpected check from an unexpected source to cover almost exactly what we still owe the hospital. Wow! Needless to say I cried. It was so humbling to realize how much God cares for us in the midst of this time. There is absolutely no way that this was a coincidence, but divine intervention by a loving God. He continues to remind us that nothing is impossible with him.

I continue to remember his promise to me: Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Choosing to remember

2008-05-13T10:41:00.000-07:00

It is so nice to have Perry safely home and to know this is the last overseas trip he will be making for now. It was wonderful for me to have his parents again with us. This helped a lot and gave me a break from chauffeuring the boys. I needed it. I feel like my leg pain has decreased a little bit as a result. The last few weeks have been challenging in that I have had so much more nerve and muscle pain as well as more headaches. Honestly because of how the last 6-8 weeks have gone I thought that was behind me. It is a constant reminder that the recovery is long indeed. It also is a great reminder of the need for me to keep things simple. Meaning that I have to be very calculative about my activity. I just can't run to Wall-mart for a quick errand if I know that I have something later in the day. When the boys are not here I have to rest or I can't handle the activity later. Because the boys are more active and outside more that is about all I can handle. Quite honestly this hard! I have come to the conclusion that even if I feel fine at the time it doesn't mean I can do it. I still have to limit my activity because of the accumulative affect is not good.
It was so good to be a church on Sunday for Mother's day and one of the worship songs we sang was a great reminder of what God has been teaching me. It said "I will remember, I will remember the gift of God's son...I will remember his faithfulness". God is constantly giving me opportunities to apply what he has taught me. From the very beginning of my illness I feel that God was asking me to make life giving choices. He wanted me to make the choice not to be fearful and anxious but to choose to turn my focus to him and to learn how to trust him. Sometimes I have to admit it meant a moment by moment decision. The result I have to say is amazing. Taking my eyes off myself and focusing them on him has given me joy, peace, and hope that is not temporary or fading.
Very early on I used a journal to write verses that strengthened me. I also used it to put quotes from books I loved and from authors that I considered heroes of the faith. I didn't realize what a treasure this book would become. There was always a quote or verse or something that would point me back to God. I feel like it has helped me apply and helped sustain me through this time. I continue to read parts of it every day and I am continually adding new insights, verses, or quotes. I hope to share some of them in this blog in the near future.
Time to close. My son is calling.
Thank you for your continued prayers.
Rhonda

Flare Up

2008-04-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

This week we've had a reminder that Rhonda is still going through a recovery that has ups and downs. After getting out a bit more last week, Rhonda has experienced a flare up. Her headaches have come back and her legs are bothering her more. It probably doesn't help that we're in the midst of a busy, stressful times (I'm going to Eastern Europe this Sunday and the kids have quite a few activities). Fortunately, my parents will be here this Friday to help. Overall, we continue to realize that the healing battle is fare from over. Thanks for your prayers.

Steady gains

2008-04-23T18:59:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been almost two weeks since I last blogged. You can take it as a sign that we're steadily moving back into life. Rhonda continues to make steady strides in her recovery. She even shared in Sunday School and MOPS this past week all that God has taught her during her illness. Hopefully, she'll be up for blogging some of her thoughts.

She still has to take breaks, but she's able to do more. She's driving regularly, taking trips to the store (although I'm still on grocery duty), doing laundry, preparing some of our weekly meals, and taking care of the kids. We still greatly appreciate a meal or two during the week and some help with cleaning that allows Rhonda to gradually ease back into life. Everyone's spirits are up.

You can pray for a couple things. I'm going to be taking my final planned research trip to Europe during the first part of May. My parents will be down to help Rhonda with the boys. In addition, summer will place some new demands upon Rhonda, so we pray that it will not become an increased time of stress. Again, thanks for your prayers.

Some more firsts

2008-04-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

I realize it's been a while since we last blogged. I guess you could say it's a sign that our emotional stress is lessening, and we're picking back up with some of the business of life. We continue to enjoy numerous firsts. Rhonda attended a Baylor baseball game this weekend as well as Sunday School and part of a worship service. We also saw Horton Hears a Who in the theatres (we'd recommend it). It was our first ever movie together as a family. She also had lunch with Bennett at school, took the boys to the dentist office and Bennett to a doctors appointment. As you can tell the added fun and driving helps lift everyone's spirits.
The fact that her eye problems and headache problems are diminishing helps a bunch. Rhonda still pays for the increased activity (especially with pain in her legs), but she is able to receive relief with rest and Extra Strength Tylenol. Overall, we thank the Lord for the progress we've seen. We're certainly not back to normal, but it's nice to taste moments of fun and normalacy.

Perservering

2008-03-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

Perry says it is my turn to write and in that I find myself not knowing how and what to say. The last few weeks I have started to reenter life and with that have come lots of emotions. I have been overwhelmed, teary, joyful and even speechless in wondering how to to talk to people. Many have said "You look so good" and somehow the only thing I can muster is " I am glad the outside looks good". How do I respond to "How are you?" In the midst of all this, I am so thankful for my progress and especially for the ability to do things more as a family. That is such a blessing!

The part that is hard is that I find myself mentally ready to move on but my body is not ready. Last week I made the decision to go to Cody's Easter party at school. He was so excited! I felt like I could handle it. In combination with usual things at home my body did not like the increase in activity. The last four days I have spent a lot more time in bed and had a lot more pain and weakness in my legs. Unfortunately this means I am not sleeping that great either. I am constantly praying for wisdom to know how much I can do because my body doesn't always give me enough warning. It is during these times when I get my little journal out and I read all the quotes I wrote down from books and scriptures that God has given me. Then I pray and I pray for perserverance.

"Perserverance is how we cling within the grasp of God. It is waiting, it is staying and standing even without visible results... The Light offers constant pep talks that help us to persevere.
Hope causes you to have courage to claim God's promises and the bravery to believe revelation even when reason abandons you" Jennifer Rothschild

I am so thankful for heroes of the faith. I am so thankful for all of you who continue to pray and bless our family with meals and cards and gifts. I am thankful for the good that God has brought from this and all the things that he has taught me and my family. I pray that I will remain faithful and will apply all that he has taught me.

Celebration week

2008-03-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

When going to church today, Bennett asked with excitement, "Mommy's coming too?!" It expressed the hesitant sort of excitement we've felt during our whole celebration week. Rhonda continues to do some seven month firsts (a visit to Sunday school, a trip to take a gift to a neighbor, a drive to a restaurant, etc.). In fact, her first trip in seven months to Dollar General for one item took so long (45 minutes--it's 3 minutes from our house), I almost went to look for her. She said she just go carried away with being in a store again (and bought a few other things).

She still has to watch herself. Her Monday taking care of the boys for 5 hours took it out of her. She then had to spend the next day spending significant time in bed to recover. At those times, I feel the old fear and frustration returning. Fortunately, this was the only significant set-back during the week. I can certainly feel the weight of the last seven months starting to lift a bit with her progress. Even doing the laundry and grocery shopping doesn't feel so draining.

The kids are also excited about the changes. Rhonda lifted Cody out of our bathtub to our bedroom and he exclaimed, "Mommy, you can carry me again!"

One of the best parts of celebration week actually occurred the Friday night before it started. Bennett told us that he "wanted to ask Jesus into his heart." Cody has always been the one of the two to vocalize deeper theological questions (this week it was--"Why did God make mean, meat-eating dinasaurs?"). Bennett, however, has really started to show some wonderful understanding of deeper spiritual issues--it is the real reason we named this week as celebration week.

To end our celebration week (spring break), we brought out our goblets and toasted with Dr. Pepper and 7Up. Cody showed the most originality with toasts to his "sweet mommy" and Daddy "for bringing Burger King." Aside--Thanks so much for the multiple suprise gifts from distant friends and relatives for meals. They've come at a great time and have really allowed us to celebrate Rhonda's progress and enjoy a less stressful spring break.

As always, thanks so much for your prayers and support. Going back out into "normal life" again produces a different sort of emotional rollar coaster. Rhonda said that she has some of the same feelings that she had when she returned from her various mission trips to Russia. It's almost like she's going through "reentry" of a different sort. We would appreciate your prayers for us during this time of hope and transition.

Steps forward

2008-03-09T18:38:00.000-07:00

We've enjoyed what feels like some steps forward this week (instead of the inches). Rhonda is now driving and taking some short trips on her own. In addition, we went out to eat as a family again and went to church together for the first time in six months. She's also able to read a bit more. Overall, knowing that her nerves are healthy has really helped Rhonda feel like she can be more aggressive with her activity. Still, she still needs times of rest after extensive activity. We're also doing our best to avoid stress.

It also feels weird to have some of the stress from the last six months start to lift (it also helps that the boys are healthy). We've declared spring break as "celebration week." We feel like we have plenty to celebrate. Even the kids are asking some great spiritual questions. Rhonda and I talked last night about how it almost seems like the past six months have been a time of spiritual growth in their lives. Again, thanks to everyone for all your support and prayers this past week. Your loving witness has also made a difference in their lives as well.

A very good doctor's visit

2008-02-29T11:52:00.000-08:00

Today, we had a very good visit with a neurologist with Scott and White who specializes in nerve testing. He confirmed two things. He confirmed Rhonda's initial diagnosis of Guillian Barre and the fact that she does not have the chronic version (CIDP). The nerve conduction tests showed that she does not have permament nerve damage. In addition, he helped cleared up some of our questions or reminded us of things we needed to remember. For example, the question in my last blog was why Rhonda still had GB symptoms if the neurological tests indicated no nerve damage. He noted that GB patients will still have the symptoms of GB even if nerve conduction tests show there is no damage. After all, she is likely still fighting the triggering agents (which can be either virus or bacteria) that cause one's immune systems to attack and demylenate the nerves.

Additional blood tests we received back this week have also helped reinforce this point. Although blood tests cannot be used to diagnose GB, they do detect the antibodies to the microorganisms that trigger GB. Although we (or maybe I) intially thought the triggering agent may have come from the bacteria associated with food poisening (campylobacter jejuni), blood tests have shown that Rhonda has exceptionally high levels (more than 15 times normal) of antibodies associated with the Epstein-Barr virus (the virus that causes mono but is also a triggering agent for GB).

The doctor today also reminded us that GB recovery takes a long time (often 6 months to 3 years) and that we should continue to remain patient. Her body is likely still fighting the triggering agent and her immune system is still healing. We're only at the 6 month mark. He also said something that I had read in neurology journal survey studies of GB patients, but it was good to hear again. In a significant minority of GB patients, there will be some symptoms from GB that one must continue to battle for some time (and for some--through life), but this does not mean a person has CIDP (the chronic form of GB).

Overall, we drove home feeling like we had some clear answers and direction regarding the treatement of her GB symptoms. Of course, we still have some questions about her eye and headache problems, although the doctor did offer two thoughts about her headaces. He has seen cases of GB that do have these type of headache problems. In addition, he also notes that IVG treatments can also add to headache problems. Rhonda will see an eye doctor again on Monday to explore the eye issues further. As always, thanks for your prayers through this while time. We continue to pray for complete healing and recovery.

Actually, I have also neglected some good news. Rhonda has been walking more this past week, and she has started driving for short trips again. We're thankful that she's showing some progress (especially with regard to her legs and her strength).

A family day out

2008-02-23T18:40:00.000-08:00

Wow, I didn't realize it had been ten days since I last blogged. It's been a mixture of business, tiredness, and sometimes not knowing what to say (and not feeling like saying much). The past ten days have been quite an emotional rollar coaster ride. Two weeks ago, we had started to come to grips with a diagnosis of CIDP. Then, the visit to the doctor at Scott and White leads us down another path--the rejection of the CIDP diagnosis and more tests to gauge the extent of any nerve damage (this coming Friday). As you can imagine, we've felt a variety of emotions and thoughts (anger, frustration, feeling like we should have obtained a second opinion much earlier).

The rejection of the CIDP diagnosis is clearly good news. Nonetheless, no longer having a clear diagnosis makes us start to rethink everything we've been thinking and doing. If Rhonda's nerves are healing what is the source of the symptoms? Instead of making sure Rhonda rested to make sure her nerves healed and she does not have a relapse, do we need to really push more? The tests on Friday and some additional blood work may give us some answers but they may not. It has been especially hard on Rhonda as she has sorted through these issues. Please pray especially for our outlook in the midst of this uncertainty.

In our lives, we've started being a bit more active. Last weekend, we had our first family day out in quite some time as Rhonda joined us for ice cream. This weekend we enjoyed a great day at a friend's cabin near Belton. Rhonda was able to walk around by a creek a little and she feels like her legs are progressing (although the headaches remain). Even in the midst of these emotional ups and downs, I've especially felt our spirits lighten at times. We remain wary but hopeful and ever eager to find and rest in the truth.

doctors visit

2008-02-13T18:54:00.000-08:00

We had our visit with the neurologist at Scott and White today. Based on his initial assessment, he does not believe Rhonda has CIDP (the chronic form of Guillain-Barre). However, he wants Rhonda to have some more tests that will help to measure nerve damage/demylenation. We'll be visiting the specialist who will conduct those tests the last day of February. While we welcome this possibility, we still need to wait for the tests. In addition, even if CIDP is eliminated as a diagnosis (which may or may not happen), it does not help explain Rhonda's current symptoms. In that regard, the visit merely raised some more questions. Again, we await the next doctor visit.

Hope

2008-02-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

It’s felt less stressful the past few days. The kids are not sick, Rhonda has not had any relapses., and we don't live in Calgary where it's minus 10. My baseline for the good life is a bit less these days.

Of course, even these circumstances can change. Rhonda and I had a good talk this weekend about what gives us hope. It can’t be health, the next doctor’s appointment or even the next round of IVG treatments. God and the hope of ultimate glory with him remain the ultimate source of what sustains us.

When I started this blog almost six months ago, I thought it would be a helpful way to communicate Rhonda’s progress. What I thought would be a blog of progress has turned into a blog of continuing struggle. Bennett now even talks about time and events recalling, "yes, that happened when mommy could run and wasn't so weak." Time for our family now seems to be marked now by pre CIDP and post CIDP.

When facing the possibility of a chronic condition that may change your life for the next 40 years you really do find out where your hope lies. It can’t be in what one will give to God. We thought we’d spend our lives serving God overseas and health issues struck that dream/hope down. Rhonda enjoys above all to give to others, but she is now limited in her ability to practice what she enjoys above all. I have a heart for researching what God is doing overseas, but now my travel will probably be limited. Hopes and dreams in this life, even good ones, can come crashing down. As Paul says in I Cor. 15:18, “If only for this life we have hope in Christ we are to be pitied more than all men.”

Of course, we also don’t abandon prayers for God’s kingdom to come and be manifest here on earth—the hope for healing certainly reminds us of the hope for God’s kingdom.

Wednesday we have an appointment with a neurologist at Scott and White. We do pray that the doctor might be able to shed some additional wisdom on Rhonda’s condition. While things have stabilized a bit, Rhonda is not moving forward in some areas. Her headaches and eyes remain a problem (she went to bed early with a bad headache tonight, because she did too much reading today). Her leg strength does seem better, but it remains limited. We pray, wait and hope.

healthier kids

2008-02-07T19:03:00.000-08:00

I had to laugh on Tuesday morning. It took two friends to help us take care of our sick family. One came to stay with Bennett while I took Cody to the doctor. Another came to take Rhonda to the doctor. Fortunately, things are a bit better. On Wednesday we got both kids back to school, so it feels like we're back to three out of four being healthy.

On Tuesday, the nurse practioner suggested that Rhonda try a new medicine that may help her with some of her nerve pain and headaches and perhaps evern her eyes. Since Rhonda does not always react well to medicines, please pray that it would work well and that she will have no adverse reactions. Rhonda will also continue to receive the IVG treatments once a month (sooner if needed). In March we have an appointment scheduled with a doctor at Scott and White to see if he has any other suggestions.

In the meantime, we continue to pray and hope for progress. Thanks for everyone's support. In fact, throughout this whole time we've continually had folks ask how they can help. Right now, the best way to help would be to contact Brandi Ross who is coordinating meals: tross14@hot.rr.com If that doesn’t appeal to some folks, gift cards to local restaurants are another option.

As for our other needs, the Lord has graciously provided. It’s been really good for Rhonda to have support from a college student on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She is a tremendous help with the kids and housework.

no dull weekend nights

2008-02-03T08:30:00.000-08:00

Now, that my thumb has healed I often have the feeling that I'm the one healthy one in the family. Today, we're home from church after dealing with a fever and and ear ache during the night. Actually, the last two nights have been eventful. Saturday night Bennett woke up having trouble breathing. It's really the first asthma attack he's had for a long time. Fortunately, Rhonda is still well enough to help do some nursing (asthma medication is also a wonderful thing). The attack seems to have been helped by a virus that also has produced a fever for the last couple nights. Last night at 4am, we had both kids up with Bennett complaining about a fever and Cody complaining about an ear ache. Thank God for motrin. This morning the kids are happy, listening to some kids praise songs (thanks for the praise CD from our choir ministry--the kids love it), and playing.

Fortunately, in the midst of all the sickness Rhonda has been doing a little bit better. Her GB symptoms and headaches are much more under control. Although the IVG treatments clearly helped these symptoms, her eye problems remain unchanged. Even helping Bennett with some reading homework strains her eyes. We have an appointment this Tuesday with a nurse practioner where we hope to revisit what we need to do regarding her eyes. We've already been to the eye doctor and he claimed that he did not see any nerve damage.

Again, thanks to everyone for your prayers and help. It's been incredible. We must admit that it's sometimes hard to receive (especially for my wife who has the gift of giving and serving). The Lord is sure teaching us some wonderful lessons about gratitude.

I'm sad for you mommy

2008-01-31T19:12:00.000-08:00

"Mommy, do people die from Guillian Barre?" Bennett asked this question tonight. Bennett is not a child who feels the environment around him. In fact, his constant silliness and joy in the midst of our difficulties has been a wonderful gift from God throughout this time. Still, as his question revealed, he's starting to understand everything a bit more. He went on to comment, "Mommy, are you sad you have Guillian Barre? I'm sad for you mommy."

Cody feels it all more--probably because his weekly schedule is much more chaotic than Bennett's. Throughout this whole time, he has struggled with mommy's sickness. Still, he also makes us smile. He now likes to be called Dr. Cody as he pretends that he is taking care of mommy.

Rhonda continues to feel improvement with her back soreness and pain. Her GB symptoms have also subsided to pre spinal tap levels, although they continue to flare up with increased activity. Rhonda's headaches and vision problems continue, although if Rhonda stays on top of the headaches she can control the severity of them.

Both of us are now struggling with how to think about this issue. We remain hopeful, but we also start to wonder if we need to change from living like this will slowly get better over the next six months to thinking more about this issue as a chronic problem. These are not easy discussions. We often feel too tired or emotionally drained to go that direction. We pray for wisdom and grace.

Headache

2008-01-29T20:32:00.000-08:00

The good news is that Rhonda was able to walk around a bit more today and her back pain is also diminishing a bit more. Plus, the boys had a good day with the sitter who will be coming on Tuesday and Thursday. Cody was especially chatty with her, according to Rhonda, which is a blessing since he tends to be a bit preferential in his affections and openness.

Unfortunately, Rhonda's headache was so bad tonight that she spent the whole evening in bed. For some reason her headaches are the worst during windy days. It's times like these that I feel a bit like a single parent. Fortunately, I had a good time with the boys at the library and the Lord provides strength.

Saying good-bye to parents

2008-01-28T17:14:00.000-08:00

We said good-bye to my parents this morning. We were all a bit weepy and sad. They came at such a difficult time and really ministered to us. I'm so thankful for their godly servants heart and example.

We're trying to settle back into life, although we're again starting recovery from further back. Rhonda's back is a little better, but her other symptoms remain the same. The effects of the four IVIG treatments usually take a few days. By the way, my brother sent a web site for a British group that he found quite helpful. I think it does do a good job of explaining CIDP in plain language. It is: http://www.gbs.org.uk/info/cidp.htm

One answer to prayer is that many of the needs I wrote about last blog have been met in various ways. We have found a college student to help us on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We've also had folks give us books on tape and point us to further resources. Thanks so much for your help.

Aggressive Treatment for CIDP and the future

2008-01-25T06:22:00.000-08:00

We had a helpful visit with the nurse practioner in the neurologist's office yesterday. We agreed that it appears quite clear from all Rhonda's symptoms that she probably has Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyradiculoneuropathy (CIDP) which is the chronic version of Guillain-Barré. In addition, in light of her deteriorating condition recently, the nurse practioner ordered four more treatments of intravenous immune globulin (IVIG). Rhonda will have those over the next four days In addition, it is likely that she will need one each month to help control the symptoms. The prognosis for CIDP patients, similar to GB patients, varies. Of course, we're hoping and praying for a full recovery.

Currently, Rhonda continues to experience back pain from the blood patch that was needed to address the problems caused by the spinal tap. In addition, her CIDP symptoms have worsened so that she can no longer walk as much around the house. Fortunately, she does not have the balance problems that she had right out of getting out of the hospital, so she can still take care of her basic needs without a walker. She also continues to have headaches and vision problems. The vision problems are actually some of the most difficult for Rhonda since she cannot read. Even helping with the kids homework, which is a big help, becomes more difficult. Of course, we're hoping that the IVIG treatments help further her progress next week.

Unfortuantely, while I was able to leave Rhonda with one or both of the kids for short times, I currently cannot do that. By God's providence and grace, my parents have been here for the past two and a half weeks. They've been a wonderful help and support. However, they will be leaving this Monday morning.

Folks have asked how they can help. Right now, we will be looking for someone to come and stay at our house with Rhonda and Cody (and later Bennett when he gets home from school) from Tuesday 12:30 to 5:30 and Thursday 2:30 to 5:30. In addition, this Monday, we'll need someone from 2:30 to 5:00. At the other times, Cody and Bennett have school or I can write/work from home.

In addition, if anyone has books on tape that you think Rhonda might like, I'm sure Rhonda would appreciate them (she likes Christian fiction or nonfiction, but I'm sure she's open to other options).

As always, we are so thankful for the support family and friends have given us. Thanks so much for all the meals, rides, gifts, prayers, etc. I can't imagine what it would be like without you.

one day of progress but then...

2008-01-23T06:54:00.000-08:00

It's hard to ride this emotional rollar coaster ride. Yesterday, it finally felt like we had some forward movement. Rhonda's spinal headaches had went away and the GB symptoms had seemed to subside. However, this morning Rhonda said she had a horrible night of sleep due to back pain (from the blood patch procedure) and her GB symptoms seemed worse. It seems like we get one additional symptom from a medical test fixed but then that new fix now makes the problem worse (e.g., back pain).

A day in the hosptial

2008-01-21T18:48:00.000-08:00

Today, Rhonda and I spent the holiday in the hospital. She received her blood patch for headaches caused by the leaking spinal fluid this morning and her Immunoglobulin (IGG) treatment for the Guillian Barre this afternoon. Fortunately, the patch seems to be working and Rhonda is getting some of the first extended hours of sleep she's had in a few days tonight. All the stress on her body seems to have caused the Guillian Barre symptoms to have flared up again. We're hoping the IGG helps. The staff at the hospital were great. When Rhonda left for the blood patch, one nurse popped her head in the room and told me she was praying for Rhonda. For some reason, it just caused a bust of tears that had been building up this weekend. The few quiet hours in the afternoon we both celebrated feeling the stress lighten a bit. Rhonda has voiced more, however, the weariness she feels from fighting GB. It's now been five months.

I was able to obtain the results of the MRI today. It came back normal. Tests have consistently ruled out MS.

In bed

2008-01-20T09:02:00.000-08:00

Rhonda has remained in bed since her spinal tap on Wednesday except for trips to the bathroom and one bath. We're basically waiting to do the blood patch on Monday which should hopefully stop that spinal fluid leak that is causing the headaches. In addition, she will get an immunoglobulin treatment. We hope that will help with the GB symptoms. We have no idea when we'll hear about the results of the tests. We're also going to be looking into getting another opinion from another neurologist.

Cody is slowly doing better. We're thankful for the tubes in his ear since he's had quite a bit of drainage from one ear. The rest of our family is also on flu medicine to make sure we don't get the flu.

As always, thanks for your prayers. My parents being here has allowed us to stay sane. We both still feel the stress and find comfort in the words of Scripture to not fear, trust in the Lord and to cast our anxieities on him.

backwards

2008-01-19T06:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes one wonders whether some tests are worth it. The spinal tap on Wednesday has resulted in severe headaches for Rhonda (on top of the headaches she has from GB). In addition, her GB has flared up again. Usually, it only hurts in her legs when she does too much activity, but now she feels numbness and burning in her legs and arms. We're not sure why. We called to get the results which we had understood we could learn about on Friday. The doctor is out and won't be back until Jan. 28. Needless to say, we were quite frustrated.

On top of all this, Cody has come down with the flu. Only mommy could console him, so he slept in her bed one night and she hasn't gotten a lot of sleep. We don't know if Rhonda is also battling it and that is why she is feeling bad. She's taking tamaflu.

Please pray that Rhonda can make it through the weekend. She has an Immunoglobulin treatment on Monday that we hope will address her hand /eg symptoms. We're also praying that the spinal cord headaches subside so she does not need a blood patch. We also hope and pray she doesn't get the flu. Right now, it feels like a long time until Monday.

Thankfully, Cody does seem to be doing better.

More tests

2008-01-16T19:03:00.000-08:00

Today, Rhonda completed the last of two tests (a MRI on Monday and a spinal tap today). We'll probably learn about the results on Friday. Basically, the doctor is checking to see if she has Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy (see http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/cidp/cidp.htm for a short summary). If so, the treatment options are largely the same as that for GB. For now, we wait.

Fortunately, in the midst of this hectic times, my parents have been here. It makes such a difference to have such wonderful help. Great parents are a wonderful blessing from the Lord.

Going backwards

2008-01-10T18:06:00.001-08:00

Rhonda said tonight that she feels like she's moving backwards. Her legs are bothering her now more and her eyes and head continue to give her trouble. After five months of telling ourselves that we just need to be patient and allow for the long-term recovery, we're beginning to wonder. It looks like Rhonda will not be able to have the spinal tap and MRI until late next week. That means it will be another week and a half before the doctor is able to tell us anything. We continue to wait and pray.

A new year but more of the same tests

2008-01-08T15:02:00.001-08:00

Today, we had two afternoon doctor visits. One was to check on Cody's ears and the other was to check on Rhonda's eyes and head which continue to bother her (she experiences eye fatigue and head pressure). Cody's ears appear to be fine, however, the neurologist has decided to order more tests for Rhonda (a spinal tap and a third MRI). According to the doctor, Guillain-Barre patients usually recover at a fairly steady pace. Rhonda's recurring symptoms may point to a chronic form of the disease (Guillain-Barre is another name for the acute autoimmune polyradiculoneuropathy. The chronic form is known as chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy). Hopefully, the tests will help us learn more.

In the meantime, we're trying to get back into a normal routine with the boys at school. I'll also be teaching classes again this Fall. Fortuantely, Rhonda is able to watch the boys by herself now, so it makes things a bit easier. She is still not driving yet because of her eye troubles. We continue to ask for prayers for healing as well as energy.

the loud toilet

2007-12-30T07:28:00.000-08:00

The kids seem to have enjoyed our slow holiday season. When we asked Bennett what he wanted to do for the holidays, he told us, "Stay home and play." We've been able to do that. Rhonda continues to inch forward and backwards. The result is that we both seem to be tired of talking and writing about how she's doing. One day her head pressure and legs seem better and the next day they are worse. We're not always sure why. Our main strategy right now is for Rhonda to take it easy. Fortunately, since we've been around the house most of the holidays, we've been able to accomplish that and still enjoy good family time. In addition, Rhonda was able to enjoy a few hours out of the house for Christmas at some friends.

We also have dealt with additional medical issues as well (we seem to always have at least two or three family members dealing with medical issues). Cody had surgery to have tubes in his ears this past Friday. His hearing had been quite limited due to fluid in both his ears. One of the first things he said when he got home occurred after he went to the bathroom. He came out and said, "Wow, when the toilet flushes it is really loud." We think the surgery was a success.

Thanks for your prayers and support. Please pray for our perseverence during this time. Rhonda's recovery seems quite slow at this time. After the first of the year, we may need to visit the doctor again to assess whether the recovery is stalled a bit. Right now, we're not quite sure.

a different sort of holiday season

2007-12-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize it had been a whole week since I blogged last. It's felt a bit like some weeks before my trips. Rhonda has really had to scale back her activity in order to feel like she can get some relief from the head pressure. She does feel like it is better than last week. Today, however, she has felt a bit of the old vertigo that she had some time ago. We were hoping that she would be better for the holidays and possibly be able to drive in the new year but GB certainly knows how to put your hopes on a rollar coaster ride.

Please pray that Rhonda is able to get the rest and quiet she needs--especially with our two boys in the house all day for the holidays.

not quite the week we expected

2007-12-15T16:55:00.000-08:00

I had hoped that I had turned over the blog to Rhonda for good, but it seems that things do not always quite go as we expect. This week has been one of those. Rhonda started experiencing her head pressure again after a busy Monday and Tuesday. Her legs are also really bothering her. In addition, her mom has been sick this week. So what we hoped would be a casual week with mom and dad has been a time of trying to heal. We'd appreciate your prayers. I always find the head pressure symptoms the toughest since it really effects the overall mood at our home (or perhaps its just me). Rhonda has also voiced a bit more how tired she is starting to get of the symptoms. She's really had a great attitude these past four months, but these little relapses are always difficult.

Mom and Dad are here!

2007-12-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it is just nice to have your Mommy when you are sick. Do you ever get too old for that? On Monday night my parents arrived after a very eventful trip from Canada. I am amazed that they even arrived with their luggage. Since, I have often heard them comment how wonderful the weather is compared to the -25 degrees Celsius ( for those of you that don't know celsius it is very cold) in Canada. My mom is already dreading her return.

This week has been a big week for me not only because my parents are here, but also because I drove for the first time since August. Nothing too ambitious but trips to the doctor for Cody and myself as well as dropping off and picking up Cody from preschool on Wednesday. I really wanted to experiment while my parents were here because I knew they could come with me. That way if I got tired I could at least trade off. I think it went well and I feel like I can tolerate short trips. I feel like I continue to slowly improve and as long as I have times to rest in between activity I am managing. The key is not having to walk a lot and resting when I can.

The neurologist is pleased with my progress and feels like I am heading in the right direction. Amazingly, I don't have to see him until April. Makes me wonder if I will be back to normal by then.
I would appreciate your prayers for continued healing and good health. I feel like I get sick easily especially colds. I have had two in the last month and I have had terrible coughs. Thankfully it does end after about 10days. I am hoping to avoid the flu as this would really aggravate the Guillian Barre symptoms.
Thank you for continuing to support, pray and bless our family with meals. We are really enjoying having family here and even plan on making some homemade ice cream tomorrow( the boys are very excited). That sounds like a crazy thing to do in December ,but I get confused down here with the trees turning color and the warm weather. Perry often teases me that he can't believe that I grew up Canada because I was made for Texas.

What a strange day!

2007-11-28T06:51:00.000-08:00

Have you even had one of those days when you say, "This is crazy?!!"Yesterday was one of them for me. I spent most the morning in bed because my legs felt weak and hurting and it was probably good because I had a lot of time to pray and rest. I was also on the phone back and forth to Canada because my brother had fractured a vertebrae in his neck and was in severe pain and having some numbness and weakness in his arms. They were waiting to see when he would go in for surgery. It was at the moment when my mom told me that he would have surgery as soon as they had a spot when Cody came in saying he had a stomach ache. For the next thirty minutes Cody screamed and clawed his stomach while rolling all over the floor (believe or not we have had episodes of this before). It is at this point I am calling Perry to come home because I need help and I think we need to take him in to the doctor. So with a neighbor getting Bennett from the school bus ,we are off to the doctor to find after x-ray that his intestines are full of gas with some possible constipation. The doctor is speculating that his stomach issues may have something to do with all the decongestants he has been on to try and help his chronic congestion and ear problems. Needless to say we are going to try and correct these issues as well as go to the ENT for discussion on tubes in his ears.
Thankfully today is a new day and I just heard that my brother's surgery went well and they were able to fuse two vertebraes together. He will wear a neck brace for the next three months and should recover without nerve damage. Cody is also his usual self and wanting to know when he can buy the next Star Wars toy.
So, in the midst of the craziness God is continually reminding me through his word to put my hope and trust in him. With that in mind, I will enjoy the quietness and the peace of the moment and remember a quote I read recently " Each day we are blessed by the gifts from a Father above who knows our needs befroe we voice them".
Thank you, Thank you for all the ways you remind us that you are still praying! We appreciate that so much.

So thankful

2007-11-21T07:48:00.001-08:00

I so thankful that Perry is home now and even more thankful that he won't be making any more trips to Europe this year. No more transition sounds good to me.
I am even more thankful for friends and family who have prayed for us and helped us take care of our children, cooking, laundry, cleaning.... You have been such servants and have blessed us. Thank you for your faithfulness to us during my recovery.
I am most thankful for my husband. He has been amazing and so supportive and has been such a servant to me amidst the stress of juggling everthing. This has been a huge help.

I am inching forward and it feels so good. The last week I have had more relief than previously and it feels really good to be able to move around more. I attitribute this to of course answers to prayer but also a supplement that I have taken. I have been so sensitive to medicine that I have found it difficult to take the medicine that the doctors have wanted me to take. Of course, most of them come with quite a few side effects. I have prayed that God would show me what to do. I don't believe it was a coincidence that my best friend's husband in Canada has taken this supplement with amazing relief and encouraged me to try it. This supplement is all natural and is very effective for conditions where there is a lot of inflammation which is my problem.

So, I am grateful and hope that I will even be able to go out for Thanksgiving dinner. I am trying to take it slow and working on trying to take of the boys more so that Perry can work more. I still have to rest a lot and thankfully the boys are used to me lying in my bed while we read and play games and cuddle. They don't seem to mind.

Lastly, I want to give thanksgiving for the greatest gift of all... Christ Jesus who extended such amazing grace to us amidst our sinfulness. He suffered so much so that we might have life and forgiveness and most of all hope. I am so humbled that he would do that for me.

Transition

2007-11-14T06:54:00.000-08:00

This week has felt challenging. I realize that even if I am not doing the greatest, as long as the boys are coping and well it seems to help tremendously. Bennett caught the cold that I had and Cody continues to struggle with congestion and drainage. Whether the cause is that or just being tried of transition I don't know. They have been particularly draining. They have been more disobedient and are constantly testing the boundaries. It has been even harder because Cody often refuses help from Grandma.
I am so thankful Perry is home today and so I pray that getting back into a regular routine will help. People frequently ask me how I am doing and quite honestly I don't know what to say. I think it is probably because this is a bit unusual. I am used to what it means to have a cold or the flu where it seems like you can see improvement more quickly after the worst is over. This is so much more gradual (so slow) and seems often like a roller coaster. I have to look at a week or month rather than a day to see the improvement.
So, emotionally and spiritually I feel like I am handling it well (of course I have my moments). Physically I think I am where I am suppose to be especially since it has only been three months. That is weird to say... only three months. I am optimistic obviously because I will recover, but sometimes quite honestly I wonder how to get from the three months to the six to nine months. That seems so gray.
Please pray that I will be able to rest in the midst of the chaos. I have no problem resting when the boys are not here. The hard part is when they are here. They need me and their lives continue despite this. Yes, for the most part they have amazingly thrived and I think that they have loved the extra cuddle and reading time. I pray that I will have the emotional energy and patience to be the parent I need to be during this time.

Good to laugh

2007-11-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

Having my sister and brother in law has been good medicine for me. They are definitely kids at heart. I have found myself laughing quite often the last few days. I am not sure they totally knew what they were signing up for but have adjusted quite well to the Glanzer routine. They are making lunches, filling sippy cups, and finding missing toys like the best of them. There have been a few surprises. For example, when they returned from Baylor and both boys were soaking wet and proceeded to tell me that while they were looking at a 2Ft deep fountain and both boys accidentally fell in. Thankfully Conrad rescued them and Coralee agreed that she realizes she needs to have eyes in the back of her head. And last night I couldn't help but laugh when I saw Coralee with water pistol in hand sneaking around the corner to get Bennett. It seems we are having a water theme lately. I really laughed later when my brother in law told me that he was glad that the person bringing dinner didn't come five minutes earlier because they would gotten a cup full of water on them ( he had been waiting at the front door for the Coralee and the boys). Never a dull moment at the Glanzer household.

So we are in good hands I think. Thankfully no one else got fever and I remain the only one fighting a cold. I am back to my original routine of resting a lot during the day so that I have energy for when the boys come home and for the evening schedule. This seems to help. I am still having quite a bit of pain in my legs after walking and am hoping that that will lessen as time goes on. Thankfully the headaches and pressure in my head has gotten milder.
Thank you for your prayers. Perry arrived safely and has started his travelling around England.

inches back

2007-11-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

So much for the times of emotional stability. It seems like things always happen at once. I'm a couple days from leaving on a 10 day trip. Bennett came down with a fever last night. And the last few days. Rhonda has been inching backwards. Her eye problems are back and her head pressure has worsened. Plus, she's battling some sinus issues.

Fortunately, Bennett seemed to be doing better today. In the midst of times like these, I really find the spiritual battle heat up. My thoughts feel heavy and humorless, and I continually feel like I must throw my shield up at the negative darts coming in. Rhonda, who has maintained a wonderful spirit and godly focus throughout these times also starts to feel the emotional weight of it all. We do appreciate your prayers.

Eratic progress

2007-10-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

Since life hasn't felt quite so emotionally dramatic lately, I don't find myself posting as much. Rhonda continues to make eratic progress. After a bit of activity this weekend, Rhonda's first night out in two months with some friends and a wheelchair trip to the park for a picnic, she had to slow down and take it easy the past couple days (which means staying off her feet and in bed more). Still, it now feels like we're moving forward a few inches and then maybe going an inch back only once in a while. She can now move around the house more easily, but she still finds she has to plan her trips to the kitchen since they still must be limited. You can pray that she'd have wisdom about where to draw the line. She starts to feel better and then wants to help by doing more--which is her nature (even though I assure her the best help will be a slow, steady recovery).

We would also appreciate your prayers as I'll be leaving for another one of my research trips this Sunday. I'll be traveling to England for ten days to study Christian higher education in that country. Again, I'll be covering a lot of territory. Rhonda's sister and brother-in-law will be in town for the first six days and my mom will fly in for the last four. We hope we don't have any trips to the ER, broken fridges, or missed trains. While drama makes for good blog reading it's nice to have those regular days.

Encouraged

2007-10-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

It has felt so good to be moving around more this week. It has been the first time in the last two months where I have desired to do more. That is good sign! The pressure in my head is mild and I think even my eyes are giving me some relief. It is at this point where I am so thankful and at the same time a bit overwhelmed. Have you ever thought about how much it takes to run a household?Wow! I have told Perry I almost don't even know what to add first (don't worry I don't feel any pressure to do it all but just even the most simple things).I have been quite removed from a lot of it for over two months. It is also hard to know how much my body can handle. This has always the hardest about Guillian Barre. No one is telling. I have definitely found that with increased activity comes more pain in my legs. I have found that I can handle that as long as the pressure in my head is bearable.
So, this past week I have tried to make my own lunch and Perry has started going to Baylor to work. I certainly get tired easily but thankfully my bed is close by and that is comforting. Going to the doctor for the nerve testing was encouraging because it confirmed that I do not have the chronic version which is a huge praise and other part is that nerves that were damaged are healing. Time is really the only thing that will help the healing process. I am constantly reminded of this. It is obvious that going out stresses my body and so I have become quite a home body and content to be at home at least for now.
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I know and feel that you are praying. How do I know? The times of discouragement and anxiety have been brief through all this. It really is amazing. I have felt God's presence and have learned so much. I have been keeping a small book of quotes and verses and I am constantly reading them. It has helped me refocus and recognize God's help and provision for me.

Here are a couple of quotes that have made me ponder.
*From Betty Stam who was martyred in China- " Only worthwhile life is one of unconditional surrender to God's will and of living his way and trusting his love and guidance.
*"As long as I was doing, I was in control. Now I could not do and I had no control"(I have certainly had to let go of a lot of things )
My favorite books during this time: ( must reads!!)
Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
Lessons I Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothschild

Be blessed. You have certainly blessed me and my family.

Thankful for progress

2007-10-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

It's been wonderful to see Rhonda walking around the house on her own quite a bit more today. It's also great to feel like we finally have some momentum back. She visited the doctor yesterday and did not experience major side effects today from the increased activity.

The doctor's visit was to assess nerve damage. She only appears to have permanent demage in one nerve on the side of one leg. Otherwise, the doctor thought she is right where she is supposed to be. Lord willing, we won't have to see the doctor for another month--which will be a nice break. It has been a time to be thankful.

We also continue to be thankful for tremendous support from the body of Christ. Today for example, we received a wonderful gift from some friends who came and helped organize the kid's closets. They are now designed so that it will be easier for the kids to know where to put their toys. They must have peeked into their rooms this past month. Some things have taken a back seat these past few months and making sure the kids pick up their rooms has been one of them. It amazes us how needs we couldn't have even articulated have been met. Thanks.

Forward momentum

2007-10-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

After enjoying my parents help for the past couple of days home, it was back to reality today after my parents left this morning. We continue, however, to enjoy the wonderful help of many friends. With their help I was actually able to spend a day on campus today taking care of various responsibilities. It also helps that Rhonda is now able to take care of herself more. She can now make lunch for herself and take a few extra trips to the kitchen. The challenge she faces now is figuring out her limits and which new things she should try. Emotionally, it feels good to feel like we have some forward momentum even if this remains a year-long process.

An eventful week

2007-10-21T16:54:00.000-07:00

I'm back from my 8 day trip to Hungary, Slovakia and Romania. It was quite an eventful week both for me but especially for our family (including my parents who were here helping taking care of Rhonda an the boys).

Last Monday, Bennett accientally ate a peanut butter rice crispee after his soccer game. Since he is allergic to peanuts, Rhonda and my dad ended up in the ER. They got home around 11 pm after shots of epinephrin. Fortunately, Rhonda felt like she didn't pay too badly for the late night out.

To add to the weekly excitement on Wednesday morning, our fridge went out.

On Thursday I missed one of my trains (fortunately, I was able to get a second one). Still, there is nothing to improve your prayer life like taking a 9pm train into a Romanian town where I guy you don't know and have never met or seen is supposed to meet you.

Today, Cody wanted to get in on the excitement. He screamed/cried for 45 minutes straight (while writhing on the floor) after dinner until he fell asleep. We believe it was due to stomach cramps (we suspect perhaps an allergy).

All in all, we've all had a tiring week. Fortunately, in the midst of this all Rhonda still is inching forward. I've returned to find her walking around the room without her walker and being bit more active.

We're praying this next week will be better, especially since my parents leave Tuesday.

2007-10-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

I’m writing this blog from Budapest to let everyone know that I arrived safe and sound and that you probably won’t see a posting for the next week unless Rhonda decides to do so.

Trial and error

2007-10-11T14:34:00.001-07:00

As you probably have figured out from reading the blog that every day and every week is a different experience. That is what makes it so challenging at times because I am always trying to figure out how much I can do based on how I respond (ie. can I go the kitchen and eat with my family this evening). My physical therapist described it well by saying that there is an invisible line and you don't always know when you have crossed it. So many times I felt okay at the time only to suffer from my activity the next day. I am learning unfortunately the hard way. My body is so sensitive and especially this week reading books and my Bible and even watching movies trigger headaches and pressure in the back of my head. So it is at this point where I don't have the things that I would normally use to distract me from the annoying symptoms. What do I do? I pray and memorize scripture that God has given me in the last 8weeks. "Find rest, O my soul in God alone, my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress I will not be shaken" Ps. 62:5, Isa 41:10, Josh 1:9 and many more. Thankfully this afternoon I am feeling a little reprieve from the intensity. Thank you for praying. I have been so blessed by your calls, notes and little gifts you have left on our door step.

Back again

2007-10-10T09:13:00.000-07:00

We're finding that Guillian-Barre is a cruel disease on your emotions. Just when you think you're going forward a bit. Wham, it hits again. Rhonda said it feels like her nerves are screaming at her today and her head pressure is back. It knocks the emotional wind out of you at times. Thanks for your prayers.

inches forward inch back

2007-10-09T17:36:00.001-07:00

It's been good to feel like we have forward momentum again. Sunday and Monday felt like inch forward days again. Rhonda's symptoms were more manageable, she was able to get out of the room a couple more times than usual, and she had some good nights of sleep. On Monday, she had a long afternoon at the eye doctor, so that set her back a bit last night and today. We're certainly finding that she has to be very careful about her activity.

The other good news is that the eye doctor found no major problems. He attributes the shadow in her eye to the Guillian-Barre. Hopefully, with time that will disappear.

Lord willing, we now have sixteen days off from doctor's appointments! That will be nice, especially since my parents take over for eight days on Saturday. We appreciate your prayers.

inching forward again

2007-10-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

The last two days it has felt like we've almost reached some stability. The kids are both off antibiotics and seem well. Rhonda says she feels like she is inching forward again, although this time she is being very careful about her progress. Her headaches and head pressure have subsided to manageable levels and she's been sleeping decent. Thanks for your prayers.

We even went out for a family "walk" this evening. The boys took turns pushing mommy in the wheel chair. Even the wheel chair rides inflame Rhonda's healing nerves a bit, so we're making them short. But it sure is nice for her to get outside. As for her other activity, Rhonda is now consistently able to make it out for meals and an occasional living room visit. Plus, she feels up to interacting more with the boys which is a wonderful blessing.

With things stabilized a bit and my parents coming down next Friday, I will be leaving for a short research trip to Eastern Europe for eight days next Saturday. We'd certainly appreciate your prayers during that time.

No big news is good news

2007-10-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

Both tests came back normal from the doctor's office today (the MRI and the test of the eye nerve). That was good news. Rhonda also continues to have some some relief from the worst of her symptoms, such as the vertigo, severe head pressure, and stinging nerve pain in her legs, which we believe is probably the result of the IGG treatments she had last week. We all agreed that we probably just need to keep dealing with the symptoms, engage in physical therapy and be patient. The nurse practioner perscribed some new drugs for the headaches that hopefully will not have severe side-effects for Rhonda. In addition, Rhonda will see an eye doctor on Monday just to make sure there is nothing non-nerve related wrong with the eye.

Overall, the doctor visit merely reinforced the conclusions we had suspected. I think it has helped that we've talked to some former GB patients who also shared Rhonda's unique symptoms (e.g., servere headaches and head pressure). The literature only occasionally refered to these symptoms and the doctor and nurse practioner have occasionlly suggested that they may not be GB related, so it often made us wonder. It also helps to talk to other GB patients to be reminded how long the recovery process is. Although it has been seven weeks since Rhonda started having symptoms, we find ourselves having to remember that recovery may be seven months or perhaps even longer (for one GB patient we talked to it was nine months, for others it has been over a year).

We're also thankful that Rhonda has enjoyed some good sleep the last couple of evenings. That makes a tremendous difference.

And as happened since the beginning, we continue to be blessed by wonderful friends who continue to support us with prayers, meals, child care, house cleaning, laundry, books on tape, movies and more. Thanks again to everyone for your concrete expressions of Christ-like love. It has made such a tremendous difference in our lives.

Back to school

2007-10-03T09:49:00.001-07:00

Both kids are now back in school. So we are at least over fifty percent healthy as a family. Yesterday, we enjoyed our first quiet morning in a while, but quiet mornings also give you a chance to reflect. Rhonda had her first good cry in a while over lunch yesterday. Some of the lingering questions now seem to rise up a bit more. Did the three IGG's help? Am I making any progress? When will I feel better?

We focused on some of the positives--Rhonda's vertigo and head pressure are both dimenished. The headaches are not quite as severe. It also helped that Rhonda also enjoyed two encouraging calls from friends--one who has had GB that reminded her of the long-term recovery process. One huge praise is that Rhonda has been able to start reading a little more again. She's been able to read the Bible and her favorite books that help her.

usual fall day in Glanzer house

2007-10-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

Well, it was a usual fall day in the Glanzer house. One of the kids went to school (Cody). One went to the doctor to get on antibiotics (Bennett for strep). Rhonda went to the hospital (to retake her eye test). And I tried to work at home between interuptions, trips to school or trips to the doctor.

Rhonda had a bad night of sleep again due to a reaction to some Advil PM. Some of you may wonder why some of her symptoms are not treated easily with medicine (e.g., sleep medicine, headache medicine, etc.). Part of the problem is that Rhonda has some weird reactions to medicines (she did even before GB). She'll feel dizzy, faint or one side of her body will tingle, etc. GB seems to have really aggravated this problem. As a result, she becomes very tenative about taking things. It also makes her nervious about nights--which feel so long when she can't sleep

So the one good night and day on Sunday seems to have been followed by a below average night and day. Her left eye continues to bother her as well, so she cannot read or watch videos like she used to. If any of you have good books on tape, it seems that will have to be our new route. We hope to learn more about the eye test at the appointment on Thursday as well as the MRI.

One other note. I appreciate your prayers as well. I've been doing decent, but Bennett's sickness this morning just made me angry, not necessarily at God, just angry about life's current circumstances. It get's compounded when I can't do certain things with my right thumb (open a jar) and can't get any work done. I worked through it, but just the emotions of it all wear me out--something I don't need right now.

another sickness

2007-09-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

Bennett woke up with a sore throad and low-grade fever, so we're home from church again. Fortunately, Cody appears to be better. At least we have one member of the family well. My thumb is getting better, but it's still probably only at 70 percent.

The good news is that Rhonda slept better and her headache has subsided a bit--both answers to prayer. She even got outside in the morning to the patio. This feels like the first good day for her in a while and I find myself being so cautious and wondering how she'll feel tonight and how she'll sleep.

By the way, a friend informed me that I had this blog set so that only registered users could comment. Sorry if you've tried to comment and couldn't. I've changed the setting so that anyone can easily comment.

delays

2007-09-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

We got a call from the doctor's office that the eye exam failed due to electrical problems. Plus, they would not have the MRI results until early next week. As a result, our next appointment will not be until next Thursday. Rhonda will have to go in Monday again for the eye test.

She continues to face pounding headaches that prevent her from sleeping. Please pray for there relief.

four down one to go

2007-09-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

Rhonda had her MRI today and an eye exam to check why one of her eyes is having a problem. Both were not as long and arduous as she was expecting. Still, it's been a long day. She still has a splitting headache tonight. Now, after four days of treatments and test, we have a doctor's app. tomorrow where we'll hear about the MRI and eye test and discuss future direcitons.

Cody seems to be doing better. He still had a low grade fever at times, so we're hoping this antibiotic works.

early day

2007-09-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

The morning started early with Cody waking up at 5:30 with a fever. We're not sure the second antibiotic is working on his ear infection. We'll find out tomorrow morning. I was not give a guest lecture in a class at Baylor and again wonderful friends found help for us (someone to watch Cody while I lectured and Rhonda went to the hospital).

We did celebrate today as Rhonda finished her last of the 3 IGG treatments today early (4:30pm). Still, she was wiped out by the end of the day. The headache, head pressure and heaviness of head continue to plague her. MRI tomorrow.

Everything has left me a bit emotionally thin. I was talking about character today in class and sharing a common definition of a person with good character-"knowing, loving and doing the good." When I briefly mentioned what folks had done for us (the doing part), I broke down. Some of the students came up after classe and asked if they could pray for me--one of the many joys of teaching at Baylor. My prayer is that this thing does not suck the life our of our family but that we truly live abudantly in the midst of it.

Another long day

2007-09-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

Another long day for Rhonda. Left at 8:30am, home at 7:00pm. She's struggling with headaches, head pressure and lack of sleep in the midst of it all. Please pray for her. It makes her wonder if the treatment is worth it. Cody is at least doing better after a day home with daddy and antibiotics.

long day

2007-09-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Rhonda went into the hospital at 9:00am and got out at 7pm. The IV itself is a four to five hour process. They got that started around 1:00. The IGG is so expensive they don't take it out of the freezer it until she gets there, and it takes three hours to thaw. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little shorter. She's tired. I'm tired. Although I did enjoy a moment of escape and fun watching Bennett play soccer.

Please pray that we'd sleep well. We're both having trouble sleeping these days.

More medical

2007-09-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

Cody woke this morning with a 102 fever, so we stayed home from church. We sure are thankful for children's motrin. The medical profession sure likes our family right now. Rhonda and I went to see doctors on Friday. Rhonda will be doing something in the hospital or with a doctor every day next week, while Cody will probably see the doctor on Monday and Bennett will get allergy shots Tuesday. My guess is the insurance company is starting to wonder about our family.

Rhonda had a bad morning yesterday. It is the same thing. The problems with the head are the worst--especially the vertigo. She was bit better by the evening. She can handle the head pressure and headaches as long as they are not accompanied by vertigo. She even says the burning in her legs has gone down. That would be great if she could walk more, but the head problems prevent her from walking much. She got past the bedroom door once again.

We find ourselves being one of those families that has their hopes pinned on God and the next medical thing (e.g., the three doses of IGG) in hopes that they will turn things around. Again, thanks for everyone's help with meals, kids and house. Those really help reduce the stress and emotional wear and tear.

Doctor visit

2007-09-22T04:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we both saw the doctor. During Rhonda's visit, the doctor confirmed our suspicisions that her slow recovery is "disconcerting." This coming week they're going to be much more agressive. Monday through Wednesday, she's going to have three infusions of Immunoglobulin (hospital outpatient). Then on Thursday, she's going to have another MRI to check about the neck pressure and headaches. She's also had a recurrance of some eye problems that she had in the hospital, so they will also do a test on her eye on Thursday. You can pray for Rhonda during all this activity. She actually felt fairly well at the end of the day yesterday which was a good sign. The doctor did mention that while GB is an acute autoimmune syndrome, it can also have chronic forms. We do pray that is not the case and that the agressive treatments help Rhonda on the road to recovery.

As for my visit, my case/splint is now off and my thumb seems to be on the road to recovery. It's still stiff and sore and is probably a month away from gaining something closer to full strength.

Peace

2007-09-20T18:58:00.000-07:00

Peace. It's amazing how my emotions go up and down through this thing as I struggle to cast my axieties before the Lord and experience His peace which passes understanding. I memorized Phil 4:4-8 as a kid in Awanas. Yet ,despite the fact that its in my head, it often feels oceans away from my experience. I go from worry, to anger, to a just buckle down, to hardness of attitude in just an hour. While driving Cody to Mothers Day Out (I've heard it's called parents day out up north--still I don't feel any discrimination right now), I started trying to apply Phil 4:8 and just mediate on all that is good in the midst of everything--I have a sabbatical that allows me to work at home, I'm actually eating lunch with Rhonda (which I rarely ever get to do), I'm actually spending more time than most dads ever get with their kids, I'm probably working more productively in my 6 hours than my usual eight (It really is hard to write for more than 6 hours a day anyway), our kids are doing great, learning more responsibility, and seeing the compassion of Christ's body, we have experienced a tremendous outpouring of love from friends, neighbors, family, church, etc. I could go on and one.

Now to what you really want to hear. We achieved some stability today. Rhonda felt better largely by limiting her activity even more. She finds she feels better when she does very little (she did venture beyond our bedroom door once today). I probably should give you some idea of what she can do. She is able to get up, shower, and go to the bathroom. Plus, she can move around the room a bit, read when her head doesn't bother her, and interact with the boys (she helps Bennett with his homework, gives lots of hugs and also helps dress them, etc.). Nonetheless, it seems like we're just idling at that level and not moving forward. In the first two weeks after the hospital, she had actually abandoned using the walker around the house. After the relapse, she is extremely weak and must still use the walker even around the bedroom. As already mentioned, we sometimes feel even a little activity sets her back (Rhonda has had to cancel her physical therapy appointments the past couple days). We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to try and ask some questions about this odd journey.

P.S. For readers to this blog who didn't see the earlier link to learn more about guillain-barre, it is: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/guillain-barre-syndrome/DS00413

2 inches back

2007-09-19T16:56:00.000-07:00

Today felt like a two inches back day. Rhonda did not make it out of the bedroom. Her head really bothers her (pressure and dizziness). We called the doctor, but he was not in today. We're starting to have more questions about the lack of even small progress.

We're still thankful that she can do things with the boys in bed. Tonight she had movie night with Cody (Toy Story2--his favorite) while Bennett went to church.

One month mark

2007-09-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today, felt like an inch back day. Rhonda made two trips past the bedroom door and she could tell that was all she could do. We did use the office chair to wheel her out to dinner. In spite of it all, Rhonda's attitude seems good. I'm probably the one with some back of my mind stuggles. I find myself wondering. Why did we see steady improvement for two weeks and now since the relapse, it feels like we've gone no where? It's one month since she entered the hospital and it feels like we're stuck in the mud. I can tell the real battle for a good attitude has started in earnest.

2007-09-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Today seemed like an inch forward day. After talking with the physical therapist, she suggested that instead of trying an inch forward each day, Rhonda should try to go forward one day and then maintain that level of activity for a couple days before trying to go forward that next inch. So today, Rhonda got out of the room once for dinner and and an after dinner trip to the back patio. We'll probably try the same thing the next day or so.

I've entered the try and understand more about GB stage, so I've ordered a few books. We'll see if they help. What I find is that medical journals are quite good at providing some overviews of symptoms and the current state of treatment, but I have not found as much information about what to expect regarding the recovery process. We find ourselves continually asking, "Is this normal?" Part of the frustration is that the recovery process varies dramatically. I read things like "three months to three years" or "a few days to a few years" (e.g., http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/gbs/detail_gbs.htm). Rhonda's case is certainly mild compared to those who had to be on respirators, but the relapse makes us wonder where she fits into the range now. The main thing the Lord is teaching us is that the recovery process requires those difficult Christian virtues of patience and hope.

The kids remain a wonder in the midst of it all. I notice they paused a little more when they saw someone else with a walker in church. You sense they feel the brokeness of the world a bit more. Yet, they also glimpse the work of God's redemptive community. They ask, "Why are people bringing all these meals?" Other times, it seems like things have not bothered them much at all (especially Bennett), which can be a blessing. Their energy and joy is a wonderful reminder of all that is good in this sometimes difficult world.

inches

2007-09-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

I feel like we’re now taking two inches forward and one inch back. The past two days Rhonda was doing a bit better, so she tried to take some cautious steps forward. Two trips to sit outside yesterday, however, seemed to be too much. The burning, heaviness and weakness in her legs came back a bit stronger as well as the head pressure she feels. So today, she basically stayed in bed most of the day.

The kids compensate for our “no mom at meal times” by going to give her hugs, racing back to the table, and then arguing vehemently about who won. I wish I (or Rhonda) had boy’s energy. Although Cody has an ear infection and is on antibiotics, the only way you would know it is that he does not hear as well (especially when daddy asks him to pick up toys).

In the midst of caring for everyone and finding it difficult to write, it was nice this past week to receive my book back from the publishers, Christian Faith and Scholarship: An Exploration of Contemporary Developments. It's not exactly popular reading, but I did notice that amazon had a copy in case anyone wonders what I do besides help pick up toys.

Grace and gifts

2007-09-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

This whole experience sure makes you appreciate the gifts from people that just lift your spirits at the right time. Each of the past two Saturdays I found my attitude was going in the wrong direction, and I found myself frustrated and angry quite easily. Both Saturdays friends (not knowing my state) happened to offer to keep the kids for a few hours. Both times Rhonda and I felt the gift of silence and time alone refreshed us immensely. These little gifts from God and others have been precious. We only hope we can return such wonderful gifts to others when they need them.

Rhonda is slowly doing a bit better. Recovery after the relapse has been much slower (we're also tryng to take it slower). She is still using the walker, but she did get outside for a brief moment this morning. This is the first time she's been outside since the doctor's appointment on Monday. Since she is spending a large amount of time in bed, she's catching up on lots of reading and watching more movies than she's watched probably the whole last year. She'll be open to any recommendations.

Improvement and Cody

2007-09-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

Today, was the first noticable day of significant improvement for Rhonda since the second hit of the syndrome. We think the steroids may be helping with the inflamation which may be helping with the other symptoms. She's gotten out to the kitchen and living room twice today.

I think the boys will be happy to see some progress. Yesterday, I smiled at Cody across the table while typing some e-mail. Usually, he returns my smiles. Instead, he looked seriously at me and asked, "Daddy, when is mommy going to get better." I can tell he's feeling things a bit. Still, he also asked Rhonda excitedly last night, "Whose house do I get to go to next!" He's been loving the chance to experience lots of new friends and toys.

The other good news is that we've also had our other need met for Cody on Thursday. He'll be going to the Mother's Day out at our church where they had an opening. We're also continually blessed by folks offering help with the kids, helping with laundry and providing meals.

Yet, just as things improve a little, Cody has come down with a fever and cough. As a result, I'm home with him right now. Still, that doesn't seem so big when there are bigger challenges in the house. Perhaps, it is Lord bringing peace in the midst of caring for three. Thanks for your prayers.

Stable but weak

2007-09-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

It feels like life has stabilized a bit for us. Rhonda is experiencing only mild stomach problems and head pressure. The main change from this second emergence of the syndrom is that she is now much weaker--even weaker than when she first went into the hospital. Currently, she uses a walker and tries to get up at least every hour to walk around the room. Still, a stroll to the kitchen is exhausting. Hearing the boys' fights is even worse (which makes dad glad the weather is getting cooler--more outside play is coming).

We did make it to the neurologists office yesterday. They thought that she should try a short dose of steroids to try and reduce the inflammation caused by the immune system's attack on the nerves. She started those this morning. Although one friend joked that they would give her more energy and strength we haven't seen it. Emotionally, as one can expect, this second round has emotionally been more difficult. The kids do not always seem so understanding and Rhonda feels helpless. Still, she's reading and listening to music to keep her spirit up and fed. We joked tonight that she now has what every mom dreams about--meals brought every week night and time to read, meditate and listen to music. However, I don't think she would recommend GB as a path to fulfilling those desires to anyone.

Thanks again for all the wonderful help. Due to aid of friends we've had so many of our needs met. Thank you. About the only major pressing need we find right now is what to do with Cody on Thursdays. I'm at least trying to do a little of the research I'm supposed to do this semester during my sabbatical--around four to five hours a day--while still taking care of the boys and Rhonda. Right now, I'm able to do some things from home and still be there for Rhonda, but with either of the boys around I find writing and reading virtually impossible (no surprise). Cody is doing well with two days of preschool and going over to friends houses to play on other days, so we're trying to stick with those options for now since his world has already been turned around a bit.

The Body

2007-09-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

The body of Christ has been wonderful. When I've been physically, emotionally and mentally wiped out, someone has called to offer help, etc. I thank you and the Lord for it all. For instance, the last blog was actually delivered over a neighbors unsecured e-mail connection (I figured they'd understand), because out internet went out. Then yesterday, a colleague from work just called to see if I needed anything. He went out and visited two stores to get the part I needed (note: trust Radio Shack and not Circuit City on those things). Others have offered help with the boys. Two others came over to clean up our house. We certainly couldn't do it without the wonderful help. Especially because this second recurrance of the symptoms really hit us all hard emotionally. It's hard to feel like we're starting recovery all over again (and even at times we've wondered--how soon is recovery starting again). I can even tell that Cody is feeling it. Bennett interestly is really responding as a servant leader for which I'm thankful. When I've asked him to rise to the challenge of helping he has done so. Cody also in his own way. He's been learning how to take water to mommy--a wonderful reversal since for his four years of life he has constantly asked mommy to get him drinks.

Rhonda is doing a bit better, since she has mainly been resting in bed. She is back to using the walker and she also feels like not only her lower body but also her upper body is weak again. We felt like we were taking revovery slow, but we realize we'll have to take it even slower. Fortunately, the stomach nauseu has subsided so she can eat and drink coffee (two things that help her strength and the headaches). The nausueu and headaches have really been the tough symptoms.

Spiritually, you learn a lot about yourself during this time. We don't ask the why questions really--we both know this kind of stuff fills our fallen and broken world--even for Christians. We have experienced the wonderful redemptive role of Christ's body in the midst of our body's being broken. Even now, it brings tears to my eyes. As for me personally, I find that in the midst of the flurry, those old habits come out--good and bad. It strips away the props and reveals you for who you are--sometimes a demanding, defensive person who wants the world to work right and people (espcially doctors and pharmacists) to be efficient for my family/ and sometimes a person who perseveres in the midst of struggle/ and sometimes someone who lets stress eat away my strength/ and sometimes someone who draws inspiration from the best of life's music, love and friendship. I appreicate your prayers for the spirit of God to guide, stenghten and heal us.

Steps backward

2007-09-07T19:25:00.000-07:00

Rhonda got home from her hospital treatment at 8:30 tonight. She still feels very weak. This past two days have been disappointing and difficult. Ever since Rhonda left the hospital the first time, we felt like she was making slow but steady progress. Now, we feel like we've just lost two weeks of progress and that we're right back to where she was at the end of the first hospital visit. We pray that this booster IG treatment really helps.

Feeling symptoms again

2007-09-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

We'd appreciate your prayers. Rhonda had a horrible night. She feels like she's feeling all of the same symptoms again with some other ones (nauseau). We called the neurologist at 6am this morning. He said it is unlikely it is a relapse, but said sometimes at three weeks they need to give a booster treatment. He will be ordering another treatment of immunoglobulin (outpatient) today. We're just waiting and enduring.

Activity hangover

2007-09-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

Rhonda called me and asked me to come home from Baylor today. She was feeling horrible. We realized that her two outings yesterday (Cody’s b-day party and the neurologist’s visit) wiped her out. We’re also realizing that we’re going to need more consistent help with Cody on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 8:30 and 3:30 (I’m coming home at 3:30 these days). If anyone knows of someone (e.g., a Baylor student, an older woman from our church, etc.) who could come over for two to three hours on those days, we’d be glad to know. Cody has also enjoyed playing with the neighbors or other young children during those times as well.

It's the end of the day now. Today, for the first time it felt like we took some steps back. After feeling like we were making small but consistent baby steps, the couple steps back were an unwelcome and jarring interuption. Rhonda spent most of the day in bed with a headache, weird nerve sensations and some other symptoms that had disappeared for quite a few days. Hoping and praying we don't have many of these.

Life after mom

2007-09-05T19:02:00.001-07:00

We're settling into life without the help of my mom. We've survived two days so far. Actually, we're getting lots of wonderful help from church friends and neighbors (e.g., meals, buying groceries, and even putting clean sheets on beds--the last one is especially a bit challenging for both of us right now).

Rhonda saw the nurse practioner (NP) at the neurologists office today. Another test for MS had come back negative which merely reinforced the GB diagnosis. The NP said Rhonda is progressing as well as can be expected. She reminded us that it usually takes GB patients six months to recover, although since Rhonda experienced a mild case we're hoping for a shorter recovery time. When the NP sees Rhonda in a month she said she'll have a better idea if she has an permanment nerve damage. She recommended that Rhonda not drive for that month--we'll see.

Rhonda did get up to Cody's school today for his school birthday party. We felt like seventy year olds--me helping Rhonda slowly walk through the door with my one good arm. Still, it was fun to experience out now outgoing Cody's preschool class. He's already asking when his next birthday will take place and if he will get toys for that one. All the help Rhonda is receiving seems to have made him look beyond himself though. He says he wants to be a doctor when he gets older. He says he's also going to be a "cooker." He told us in the car, "mommy, when I get older I'm going to cook for you all day and make you peas and broccoli and all kinds of good stuff." As good parents, we think we need to try and help him reach his childhood dream.

Reality

2007-09-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

I had tears in my eyes when I said good-bye to my mother-in law last night. We sure needed her and she certainly kept the house going during a very unusual time. It was especially great to have her for Cody's four year old birthday. That made it extra special and the help with making cupcakes and clean-up was wonderful.
I continue to make small improvements and even went for a very small stroll down the path behind our house. I think we looked very funny with Perry's right hand in a cast and the other arm holding me up. I am sure that people must have wondered if we had been in an accident. Our pace was extremely slow but that is okay. At least we were moving. Someone last week actually ventured to call us gimpy and limpy(I am not mentioning names on that- we thought it was funny). Of course my stamina is not the greatest but it is improving and as long as I don't have to be on my feet alot or walk a long way I can tolerate it.
Reentering normal life( if you want to call that) is at times overwhelming. Even when you are not quite well your kids still fight, the house still gets dirty, and there are still bills to pay and calls to make. It is amazing how many details there are to running a household. It is during these times when I choose to thank God for the gift of today. He will give me strength and wisdom in how to manage and pace myself.

So Thankful

2007-09-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe two weeks ago I was wondering whether I should go to the hospital or not. I am so glad that I did. I am so thankful that they quickly diagnosed me and started the gammaglobulin infusion right away. A lot has happened in the last two weeks and there are times I find myself wondering if it really happened. Of course that doesn't last long when I get up and try to walk to the kitchen.

When Perry told me that he was going to start a blog it overwhelmed me. Thankfully he was the one writing and so I rested. It is not until recently that I have had any motivation to write. Needless to say I have had lots of time to think and read and of course lots of time to pray and reflect. It has been so good!! and really I have felt so peaceful. Thank you for praying! I have really felt God's presence and know without a doubt that I could not do this without him. There are many times during the day where we have little pep talks (especially in the morning). God has helped me so much in choosing to be thankful, choosing to recognize his presence and control during this time, and recognizing all the answered prayer.
I wanted to share a couple of answered prayer
*Prior to the summer my sweet Cody was still pretty clingy and really found new situations difficult. He even cried when I mentioned that he would be going to preschool in the fall. He made a dramatic transformation this summer and I hardly recognize this mature boy. Is that a coincidence? No way. The adjustment to preschool has been easy, he got rid of his pull-ups at night with no problem, and is much more independent. God was preparing him.
*Some of you may know that Perry has a sabbatical this semester. What a blessing that has been for him to work when he can but not have the stress of teaching classes. Praise God he still gets paid and we have benefits. We were even blessed with some extra money this summer which God knew we would need to help pay for medical bills.
*It certainly is no coincidence that one of my favorite verses in the last few years is so applicable. Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

So, I am so blessed by all your encouragement and help. Pray for continued peace and especially this week as we adjust to not have grandma around. She has been amazing!

More cast time

2007-08-31T18:52:00.000-07:00

Well, it was kind of a bummer day in some ways. I did not realize I would be wearing my cast for another three weeks. I did at least get the pin out of my hand that was holding the torn ligament to the bone.

Rhonda is still making progress, although she flunked the "drunk driving" test today at physical therapy and she did not even drink. The therapist asked her to stand with one foot in front of the other with her eyes closed and try to keep her balance. She couldn't do it. So it looks like no driving for her yet.

PT and tough mornings

2007-08-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

Rhonda had her first day of more intense physical therapy yesterday and she felt it this morning. Her legs felt weak and heavy. Mornings still remain tough. Overall though, it is good to see her slowly gaining her strength back.

It helps that Cody is enjoying preschool and Bennett is enjoying first grade. When Bennett asked him what his favorite part of school was yesterday, he said, "Everything." Cody said it was celebrating another kid's birthday because "they got rice krispee treats"

First day of first grade

2007-08-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

When I picked Bennett up from school and asked him how his day was, he said, "Fantastic." Rhonda when I got home said her day was "fair." Since Cody did not have his "best brother Bennett" for play time, mommy was constantly asked things (even with Grandma's best efforts to play knights, etc.). The new expecations and demands wiped her out a bit. Rhonda said tonight one of the toughest things is feeling a little bit better. You start to do a few things and then the weariness hits. She is still walking better, but the headaches and weariness are constant companions on the walks.

We did enjoy some firsts today in addition to the first day of first grade. The boys had their hair cut by someone else other than mommy. Due to someone's generosity, we all enjoyed in-house haircuts. It was a great blessing. Bennett was fine, but Cody had to be bribed with some Smarties (the Canadian version).

To all the MOPS from Rhonda: "Thank you, Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I loved the baskets and the pajamas were wonderful. How did you know that I needed some? I have felt so loved and taken care of. The meals have been so wonderful and so helpful. Thanks also to Kim for the yummy birthday cake. It made our birthdays really special. I continue to make progress each day and have started outpatient physical therapy. Thankfully I don't need the walker anymore and hope that my legs and body will strengthen quickly. I hope to see you soon."

Walking more

2007-08-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

Today, Bennett proclaimed, "Mommy, you're walking around without your walker!" She still occasionally holds on to things because she does not always trust her balance. Our visit to the physical therapist today gave us some insight into why. We discovered that her thigh and torso muscle areas are quite weak. As a result, she does not feel steady at times. She will continue exercises to strengthen those areas.

We're all excited about the continual progress. Emotionally, I think it also helps all of us to see the continued steady improvement. Every couple hours Rhonda still has to lay in bed for an hour or so. Nonetheless, she slowly feels like her strength is returning every day.

We continue to be lavished with wonderful generosity thanks to our Sunday school class, MOPS, friends, and family. Thanks to everyone for our wonderful support and prayers! We are continually thanking God for such Christ-like love and care.

Happy Birthday 2

2007-08-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, my last post was wrong. We did not have quiet birthdays. My wife and other accomplises surprised me with a night out on the town (and I needed it). The boys had been great all week, but Saturday was certainly not one of our better days. I enjoyed some adult conversation instead of refereeing.

Rhonda was also surprised. She was treated to an evening of Bush's chicken, chocolate covered strawberries, brownies, and a housefull of wonderful friends at her beck and call. They even cleaned the house! One awesome gift was a in home pedicure (the boys were especially wondering what was being done to mommy's feet. Rhonda is wondering how she will ever return to normal life again after all this wonderful pampering. She has felt very loved and spoiled. Thanks again to everyone for all the sacrificial love you've shown us.

Happy Birthday 1

2007-08-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

Last night Rhonda enjoyed relaxing with my mom by watching a movie while I took the boys swimming at a friends' pool. We've really appreciated all the wonderful help from friends (the offer of a swimming pool for the boys, lots of wonderful meals, Mitch Thompson mowing our yard in the hot Texas heat, a ride to the car repair shop). After I got home she seemed to be wheeling the walker around quite quickly. This morning we were wakened by Bennett coming in and singing happy birthday (it's my birthday today and Rhonda's tomorrow). We have found mornings are still quite difficult. Rhonda still wakes up in the night and in the morning feeling the odd nerve sensations associated withe the GB syndrome in her legs. This morning Rhonda had breakfast and immediately went back to bed saying she felt exhausted. We'll probably enjoy rather quiet birthdays.

As things have slowed down, we've had more time to reflect upon the whole whirlwind of events spiritually. Giving all your fears to God is something that we've had to constantly face each day (it's amazing how easy it is to let your fears start going on the drive between Hewitt and Hillcrest and not take the whole situation to the Lord in prayer). We also think it quite odd that it seems we've been hit with ailments that directly effect our gifting. I write and love to play sports and I'm now had to limit my typing and my major sport is chasing the boys around the house. Rhonda loves to serve other people and now she is the one that needs to be served. We are certainly reminded of how fragile we are and are need for God's grace and strength as well as the body of Christ. We are not the type of people to ask for help (it is especially tough for me to see someone else sweating while mowing our yard), but God is also teaching us some humility as well as our need for Christ's body when we are so weak and helpless.